Friday, May 02, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

It's been a month since my surgery and I'm sliding into a depression from not being able to walk. So now everything puts me over the edge. Like last night at 5:00 a.m., while I listened to a conversation between the Druggertons, him saying "You need to leave" and her replying "eeeeooooo" over and over and over, I got so annoyed that I had to take a Xanax. Then I started having the creepy crawlies with the leg that has the cast. It felt like it weighed 400 pounds and was choking me to death. Of course the more I flopped it around the more claustrophobic I became and after 45 minutes the Xanax thankfully wiped me out. Today I rode my scooter, in my robe, over to the Druggertons and left him a note saying I could hear every word they said and to please keep it down as I was recuperating from surgery. Which of course has nothing to do with them talking all night but I'm using that excuse as long as it can help me. This is the second night in a row they've done this and I can only hope they either start discussing something interesting or take too many drugs and O.D. I'm expecting a visit from him asking if I have any Vicodins so I might soon get my wish.

Remember these chairs? Well, Ann Abeyta was over on Wednesday and looked under mine and noticed it had a hat rack. I always wondered about the extra wires affixed to one of the seats but had no idea what they were for, if anything. Ann, a projectionist at the Los Angeles Cinerama Dome and aficionado of all things cinematic (she does my Top 10 list every year) said those racks were from the days when men wore hats with brims and needed a place to stash them. I stuck one of my fedoras under one to give you an idea what it looks like. Carson, who was also visiting that day, used to be a roadie and added when she was on tour with country bands in those giant tour busses, there was always a TV in every bunk and a little fold-down platform where the guys could put their cowboys hats while they slept. This is Ann signing my bathroom door. She had just finished telling us that at 5 feet, she and her movie colleagues had researched online and discovered she was only 2 inches off from being considered a dwarf. She wrote "This is only as high as I can reach."

This is Carson showing off her height by signing the top of the door. I've had people signing this door for over 3 years. It's my tribute to all the green rooms I've been in over the years.

Ann and Carson playing my slot machine. If you play and win, I let you keep your winnings. Of course Ann had no quarters so she used mine but I fear next time she will come with a bucket of quarters and I'll have to sell some shoes to make rent that month.


1. Carson for going shopping for me and then making me lunch the next day and bringing over extra snacks and grapes. You don't realize how much you miss grapes until you can't walk to the store and buy them when you want. I ordered some from but that was one of the things they didn't have in stock. How does a store not have grapes in stock? In California? In grape season? Carson also mailed my bills and emptied my garbage and got a fan down for me so I wouldn't boil to death in the 90 degree heat that descended on L.A. recently.

2. Ann Abeyta for bringing Diet Cokes and for volunteering to get my mail. Remember how I was all hopped up about not getting my mail? I was itchy after 4 days without it. Well, now I sometimes forget that I even get mail.

3. McLoserstene for bringing me back excellent chocolate cake that her SIL Regan made.

4. Irma for sending me lots of uplifting emails that make me feel guilty for being so curmudgeonly about my recovery. Irma beat cancer twice and I'm all "I can't get a pedicure."

5. My life coach Lauri for bringing me over some slamming Chinese food from Genghis Cohen last night.

End of chat.


  1. Sorry about life with the Druggertons. It would kill me.

    My best apartment neighbor EVER lived under me and was a 70 year old man who studied Japanese. Never heard a peep.

  2. Can't you at least get half a pedicure? (And no, I don't mean every other toe.)

    Sorry about the late night / early morning wakeup / keep-awake from the Druggertons. You know if I lived in Hollywood I'd be over there in a second to help. Like, I could go by the Druggertons place and knock real loud on their door at about 9:00 in the morning and then run away. Then do it again at 10. And 11. And noon. And keep it going all day. I'm all about the payback, baby!

  3. My college roommate's first apartment after graduation was an efficiency in Center City Philadelphia. Her next door neighbor used to howl. She explained that he kept it to soft cooing noises during the week and saved the howling for Saturday night, which was sorta considerate.

    Your Druggerton stories make me want to dance around my back yard in a shift and a crown of daisies. I shan't complain about living in the middle of nowhere again.

  4. PS. I bought a bottle of Bonder. I'm in love.

  5. Before you explained that was a place for your hat, I thought one of your friends had thoughtfully stopped by and turned your chair into a port-a-potty. That would have been a nice gift.

  6. Anonymous1:57 PM

    You have my utmost wish that all the evil neighbors will be taken by extraterrestrials for interplanetary medical experiments. Where is a flying saucer when you need one?
    Martha Jane

  7. Incorrect information. A midget is a normally proportioned short person, and you have to be under 4 foot 8 inches to qualify. A dwarf, on the other hand, is a very disproportionately shaped, very short person - usually a dwarf's head is much too large for the rest of its body. So your friend is 4 inches away from being a midget. I am only 2 and a half inches away from being a midget. Neither of us is a dwarf.

  8. That hat thing is very cool.

  9. Anonymous12:18 PM

    You put a hat in there! How cool is that!

    For the record. Suzy's slot machine is the coolest thing I have ever seen! (that sounded dirty)