Thursday, January 10, 2008

This Is Why I Know So Much About Men

The Honolulu Comedy Club, Honolulu, Hawaii
The Last Laugh, Seattle, Washington

1. They are very knowledgeable about porn.
2. I know this because they helped me shop for some.
3. They never think women are funny.
4. I know this because most of them couldn't follow me.
5. They can't cook.
6. I know this because I did all the cooking.
7. They're very smart.
8. I know this because I did all the cooking.

End of chat.


  1. Apparently they don't know how to spell either... "your the one..."??? Or was that supposed to be funny? Being a guy, I can't be sure!

  2. Holy shit. Turns out I'm a man. And I'm hungry.

  3. This is actually very funny. I have tried for 18 years to reconstruct my son, but he has many of these characteristics. (I just deleted all his porn off the pc ... he knows where all the sites with free advertising sites are).

  4. That's why I married a man who can cook and follow my 30-minute feature set. I wasn't about to let him get away. Oh yeah, he doesn't know anything about porn. Perhaps it's because I'm so good he doesn't need to know anything about porn? (Although Brian did go to college with the guy who started AVN. So, while he may not know anything about porn, he does know somebody who knows everything about porn. Does that count?)

  5. Dave, his name is Spanky, should he be required to spell correctly with a name like that?

    Jenee, why am I not surprised to hear that?

    anne, your son will just go back for more. You'd better get him a 24hour a day job.

    Traci, it always makes me laugh that most chefs are men and yet you can't find one who can boil an egg. Will you guys adopt me?

  6. Hey Anne,

    Your 18 year old son knows where all the sites with free porn ads are? Really? That is incredible. How did someone like you end up with such a young genius? No need to reconstruct him. Just get him an app for MIT. Also, please have him contact me as I have never seen free porn ads on the net and would like to know where to look.

  7. Anonymous10:48 AM

    #7 is the punchline, right?

  8. Al, a male comic who also knows his porn. Do you cook?

    Dustin, heh heh.

  9. Al your kidding right? Its hereditary, when his older brother came to visit us he bought some movies(online). I know how to track this stuff so I found a trail. His brother has a job(and credit card). My husband used to hide his porn mags under the mattress, the older brother hid his comic books same place(prepuberty). I know these guys do not share any of this knowledge..its just the way they are programmed.

  10. Anne,
    Uh, yes I was kidding.

  11. I'm confused- is it the addiction to porn that's hereditary or the location where sexual materials are hidden that's hereditary? Because I know my mom didn't have a vibrator under her bed, just a foot massager.

  12. My hus can cook and shop for porn. I guess I am lucky.

  13. No, can't cook. Can pour great cocktails and good wine. Then who really cares about cooking? That's really all I need. That and this remote control. And that's all I need. And this paddle game. And that's all I need. And this chair. And that's all I need.

  14. Jenee, i have never met a man who didn;t like a lot of porn, but i wouldn't call them addicts ..(maybe i don't know what normal is) i think its both the location and the interest. i'd like to know what my brother does but i would never ask him. he mostly tortured cats.

  15. Looking at that 2nd pic, I'm surprised they didn't get you to dress them as well.

  16. Anonymous10:59 AM

    A psychiatrist friend says that his incoming patients with internet porn addicition has now outnumbered drugs and alcohol. Apparently the porn addicts have now picked up the regular drug/alcohol habits of skipping work, etc. to stay at home with their computer porn...
    Martha Jane

  17. God, they never really grow up do they? I have a feeling one day when I am 80, my son will invite me over to his home for Christmas and then point to the kitchen when I arrive.
    Catherine, the redhead

  18. MJ, I believe your friend the psychiatrist because women lose interest in sex and guys have nothing to do. If I could tell you how many guys I know who are currently cheating...

    Catherine, too funny.