Monday, January 07, 2008

For My Arch Enemy Jenée...

....and Romhell, Abeyta, Princess Normal, Copscotch, Chilidog, Stanhope, Louis CK, Laphboy, CatheB, klownhuntr, Baldguy, Slaight and many others. Romhell was recently at Coconuts in Clearwater, Florida and found this picture of me and Steve Marmel side by side... ..secretly planning the demise of the other.

Not really but it would be perfect if these were put up during the Wired For Laughs feud between me and him, when he threatened to throw me out of his house if I showed my face.

In 1999 comics from different parts of the world belonged to a newsgroup on Usenet called alt.comedy.standup, also known as ACS. Marmel decided to host a reunion here in L.A. for all of them and dubbed it Wired for Laughs. Klownhuntr, a former clown who used to work for Ringling Brothers and as he often reminded us, played the White House while the rest of us were only playing comedy clubs, always claimed the credit for coming up with the reunion idea. He's now in Vegas in one of the road companies of Defending the Caveman. The rest of us are still in comedy clubs because, you know, we suck.

Marmel and I decided to stage an online feud for no other reason than we were bored. We went back and forth sniping at each other for weeks while ACSer's picked sides. Marmel let My Arch Enemy Jenée in on the joke and I think she was the only one who knew since I never told anyone. But you know how guys gossip so I may be wrong.

Marmel and I would get emails from comics saying 'You're the funniest' or 'You're going to win this' and then he and I would compare notes. We definitely each had our fans and we also each had our detractors. He used to send me the emails Klownhuntr would send to him wherein I was trashed to within an inch of my ego. Fortunately my ego is large enough that it took almost a full two and a half weeks before I broke down and cried like a girl.

Comics flew in from Scotland, Australia and as far away as Indiana. The feud ended the day of Marmel's BBQ at his house, which was part of the reunion as was two nights of shows at the Melrose Improv. I walked in and saw comics pointing at me and whispering as I forced my way through the crowd asking over and over, "Where's Marmel?" They turned him in faster than Linda Tripp could pick up a phone and get a dial tone.

Marmel couldn't stand 'feuding' anymore because he wanted to be liked. Me, not so much. So he shushed the room and announced that the feud was faked. I don't know what we expected but people seemed disappointed. Pissed, even. They had all eagerly gathered around as if at the hanging of Saddam Hussein. The moment Marmel said it was faked, they wandered away, bored.

Fuckers.

Suzy Soro
To my knowledge, end of chat.

38 comments:

  1. yeah, well my boobs are still bigger than jenees. I didn't make the bbq that year, and I didn't get to cuddle on Tanyalee's floor, but I did get to take part of it.. even have the CD still! I still can't get over stanhope's dad..and copscotch... but who the hell was oppenheimer??

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  2. boss of everything1:40 AM

    Didn't Klowny and BaldDork stage a fist fight on the front lawn that year too? Bunch of hacks!

    Prinn xxxx

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  3. See, that's the kind of thing that can take a fake feud and turn it into a real feud... you just have to want it bad enough!

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  4. With those pictures of you and Marmel, I think you could sell a tv show about the bickering heads of some manor. The guy to the left could be your gay butler.

    You didn't mention your G-string. I don't remember why it was at the BBQ but I remember it was a big hit.

    You also didn't mention that we were among the few women in the newsgroup and there were always a lot of sexual comments directed toward us online but in person the guys were all little cowards.

    Finally, you didn't mention that you're a whore and even though CatheB and Prinny may have bigger breasts than I do, we all have bigger ones than you do. For that matter, Klownie has bigger ones than you do (who am I kidding? He has bigger ones than me too).

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  5. There was a feud? On the internet? Gosh. Bet that helped the boredom.

    Happy 2008!

    Miss you all.

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  6. I think Marmel looks like an evil banker and you are the spunky reporter who is about to expose the truth.

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  7. Too bad he told everybody so soon. You guys could have at least got into a fight and maybe fell into the pool while shoving each other or something.

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  8. Prinnoi, yes, the fistfight, I'd almost forgotten.

    Jenee, we all had to bring a gift to the BBQ for a grab bag but I have no idea why we were doing something as gay as that. I was known for my g-strings whereas you were known for being a WHORE. So my gift was a g-string and you probably gave away a lap dance.

    And yes, there weren't a lot of women in ACS and yes there was a lot of sexual crap thrown our way and YES, the men were all pussies in person.

    traci, Marmel IS an evil banker.

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  9. Wow. Thanks for that blast from the past.

    If you recall, or if you don’t, I moved to LA the day or two before Wired for Laughs, so my first trip to the Improv was for ACS.


    I remember thinking “Wow, THE IMPROV!!!!” I had watched Bud and all the comics on TV in my house for years and NOW I was finally here!!

    Ahhh, the days of being a young, excited comic.

    PS For the record, Rich Williams and myself were not pussies in person.

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  10. Davis, you and Williams were the President and Vice-President of the Pussies.

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  11. tommy james12:32 PM

    Maybe we can use Soro's blog as the new de facto ACS.

    Just randomly start threads and mock each other in the comments section.

    I'll go first. Copscotch and Saldana are tools.

    ~TJ

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  12. To make this like the old days, we need the fat bald, hack realtor here. Otherwise, I ain't playing.

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  13. Tommy, shut up and change a diaper.

    Al, BG moved to Texas.

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  14. I am still reeling from being called a pussy.

    Nobody calls me a pussy.

    Marmel, you have a huge head.
    Soro, your vagina has cobwebs
    no wait, I mean Jenee, your vagina has cobwebs.

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  15. davis, you're a pussy, deal with it. Jenee's vagina is none of your bidness. Neither is mine but that's another story ENTIRELY.

    And for all my regular readers who have read these comments so far, this is why I love comics. Always have, always will.

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  16. Brad Slaight1:03 PM

    You mean you and Marmel weren't really fighting? Damn!

    Slaight

    "Once upon a time there was a newsgroup
    Where we used to raise a post or two
    Remember how we laughed away the hours
    Until the trolls moved in and we were though

    Those were the days, my friend
    We just loved to offend
    We’d post and fight about who’s right and wrong
    The feuds we did engage
    The posts that did enrage
    Now all that’s left is Soro’s dainty thong

    (To my knowledge, last seen on eBay. Current bid: US$10,412)

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  17. Ah Slaight, always the poet. I once picked up Kim Harrison's brother out here in LA when he was visiting. I draped a thong off the rearview mirror and he naturally thought I was nuts.

    I still do have some mighty fine thongs, though.

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  18. If I want to here about a female's underwear, she would be 24....
    and pretty.

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  19. Female readers, let this be a lesson to you. Never call a man a pussy or else he will call your underwear and age into question.

    P.S. Davis, if you could have gotten me or Jenee into bed it would have taken an act of God.

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  20. Anybody reading this post knows what I look like and knows what the two of you look like. (Even Tommy James would admit I am handsome)

    I may have hit on Jenee but that was before I got sober so it was after 10-11 beers and does not count.

    Yes, Soro, I am aware all the comics wanted to bang you at Richard Belzer's birthday party in 1984, but I moved to LA in Sept. of 99.

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  21. ~Even Tommy James would admit I am handsome.~

    The two of you are gayer than Clay and Seacrest put together.

    ~Yes, Soro, I am aware all the comics wanted to bang you at Richard Belzer's birthday party in 1984~

    It was 1987. Fool.

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  22. The Bald Fuck is in Texas? Did he get paid $3250 plus air to move?

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  23. 3259 + air to move. Too funny.

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  24. stanhope4:08 PM

    I didnt get invited to the BBQ. Bastards.

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  25. tommy james5:11 PM

    I'm not sure we're "gayer than Clay AND Seacreast" - Maybe just Seacrest. Clay's mighty queer.

    And yes Matt, you're quite the looker. Always have been.

    BTW, where's "Frank Dumana"?

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  26. Yeah Tommy, you're SO not gay. "And yes Matt, you're quite the looker. Always have been."

    Who was Dumana?

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  27. Ooooh,, a hollywood hottie found in “The Junk Drawer”…
    Strange combination of musical favs…’dean martin alongside
    Gwen Stefani,, and Hendrix’…You were either drunk at the time
    of composing that list or you really are a comedian….

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  28. Yo gt, I love different kinds of music and always have. It's like painting, how can you just love Monet when there's a Schnabel staring at you from across the room?

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  29. Stanhope lives!
    Best wedding pictures EVAH!

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  30. Chandler in Las Vegas Baybee9:59 PM

    And those pictures on the wall look like a bad road company of Chicago.

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  31. Matt is correct that Rich Williams was never a pussy about going after pussy. And eight years later he was still trying at your summer soiree. Bless his horny little heart.

    And since Matt brought my cobwebbed vagina into this, I feel compelled to mention I had to spend 3.5 hours each way to Vegas listening to him complain about his itchy balls.

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  32. If I had a Schnabel staring at me from across the room I’d feel like I was in a Twilight Zone episode,,
    and immediately leave,, and Monet wine is too dry for me…
    Pollack is good,, cuz you can hang them anyway you want,, sideways,, diagonal,, back to front,,
    don’t matter…………..

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  33. Jenee,

    Thanks so much for reminding me of that wonderful 48 hour period where my balls itched.

    What I remember most about that trip was my amazament for you and your blackjack partner for playing all night without sleeping.

    I remember thinking wow THEY have a problem.

    Then a year or two later, someone taught me how to play craps, then another two years later, Hold' Em.

    I have not slept since.

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  34. jenee, ew with the itchy balls.

    gt, I love me some Pollack. If I had the money, he's the one I would buy. If any were for sale, which there aren't.

    davis, do not mess with the queen of Blackjack, Jenee. We all bow down to her, mainly because she's tall.

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  35. Anonymous7:50 AM

    Did I miss the mini-acs reunion? Hello? SON-OF-A-BITCH!

    --Abeyta

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  36. Abeyta is here..it is offically a party..

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  37. i miss the old day! someone start something up already!

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  38. did somebody say "salsa?"

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