Wednesday, October 17, 2007

When You Don't Want To Have Sex

Oprah had a doctor on yesterday who was talking about why women don't have time for sex. Having been in many long term relationships over my lifetime, I can tell you that the reason women don't have time for sex is because they're not turned on by their man.

There was only one man I dated, Elvis, who constantly turned me on. I spent years in other relationships not wanting to fuck the guy. Ever. One dumped me because of it, although I never told him that I didn't want to have sex with him, it just became evident when I came up with twenty million excuses. I spent 3 years with him. WHAT THE FUCK?

Women have other issues at play in relationships. It's safe, you're not alone, he can mow the lawn. I sold out because he could use power tools? God help me.

Yeah, this is all about sex. For him.

If someone isn't looking at you this way, get the hell out.

After I was with Elvis I realized I never wanted to have sex with any of the men I'd been with before him. The problem with finding that kind of chemistry is that it's hard to find it again. If any guy out there is reading this and believes the I Have A Headache Line, run for the exit. She's really not into you. At all. And it ain't gonna change back. Ever. And for all those people who say that relationships aren't ALL about sex, psychologists tell us it isn't all there is but if you're not having regular sex, that's a telltale sign that something is wrong.

Women are too lazy to leave, don't want to lose his paycheck, feel bad because of the kids? Trust me, these women will find it somewhere else. My mother was not happy in her marriage and eventually the excuses gave way to sleeping in another room and back aches and other lies. She and my father never had one argument. NEVER a good sign. My sister and I urged her to leave the marriage since she was so unhappy. She always said, "Well, you girls....." like we were the reason she stayed even though we begged her to leave. She eventually moved to our apartment in Paris and still my parents didn't divorce. If only they'd known how unhappy they made their children.

This does not look good.

All that time Mom was having an emotional affair with a man she met in France when my sister and I were teenagers. It was only when my dad went to a high school reunion and met another woman that he finally asked for a divorce. Why waste your life like that? Is it better to settle or is it better to get out and try and find some happiness with someone you are attracted to? Mom eventually married the French man but Jesus, take your time why don't you?

So cheating on her.

End of chat.


  1. I realize I might not be a real catch, but in reference to that first picture with Valerie Bertinelli doing Chinese drag: scraggly facial hair on a guy trying to shoplift basketballs? NOT A TURN-ON! FOR ANYONE!

  2. I agree, there is no good reason to stay with someone you are not attracted to. Many times the ones that are bad in bed become the ones you end up not being attracted to! At least for me, that was a big issue in why I no longer wanted to have sex with someone. I mean why bother? Of course there were men who were good in bed but something else about them started to turn me off.
    I also begged my parents for years to get a divorce because they were soo miserable. They finally did but after many more tortuous years together.

  3. My grandparents weree married for a thousand years and they were NOT happy but extreme poverty kept them together. They could barely afford one apt, much less two.

    I've overstayed at many jobs, relationships, friends etc. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I guess I'm no quitter?

  4. I have waaaay overstayed at past relationships and hated jobs. I stayed up all night on my first wedding night, knowing I was miserable with the bastard I was about to marry, yet I married him and didn't kick him out until a year later! I guess something switched in my mind at that time and then I met my current great wonderful husband.

  5. Anonymous3:28 PM

    Although I have been proposed to 5 times (okay, but not in the last 20 years), I never married. Maybe it was instinct. As Greta Garbo so eloquently put it, "I WANT TO BE ALONE." (well except for the two cats which are the God-given right of a woman my age....)
    Martha Jane

  6. MJ, I think seeing my parents marriage traumatized me. My dad was married 4 times, that didn't help either.

    Being in standup and seeing all the guys cheat on the road really didn't help...

  7. I think I'm just a meal ticket for my wife. I practically gotta pull a gun on her to have sex. According to you, she isn't into me. I think I agree. It may be time to exchange her for one with a goddamned pulse.


  8. surcie10:37 AM

    The photo in the middle--are those people famous or something? I'm worried that there might be young famous people I can't identify. Which might mean I'm getting old. . .

  9. surcie10:37 AM

    ps: i mean, beneath the newmans.

  10. Surcie, that's Charlotte Church and her bf but I can't think of his name.

  11. this is a tough one. One that I cannot answer lol. I think this happens to a lot of people. I think you're right though...laziness.