Monday, October 29, 2007

When Bad Purses Happen To Good People

These are what today's purse designers think their customers will buy:What woman doesn't want to walk around saying she's cheap? And honey, if you're cheap, ain't no way you're chic, especially if you've got brown plastic accoutrements on that bag. For God's sake, the cow is already dead and been eaten in restaurants all over the world so at least put the hide to good use.

The coin purse outside? I'm sure someone thought this would make it easier to get to your money. Coincidentally, it makes it easier for everyone to get to your money.

And this designer, who clearly thinks women will buy anything, decided to make the entire thing into a coin purse. I'm thinking he's one pissed-off divorced guy trying to get even. If you buy this purse, he wins.

I really wanted to make fun of this one because of the mink balls. Until I remembered I have a sweater with mink balls on it. I love fur. I loathe PETA because the last time I looked I was in A M E R I C A and not wearing a dead Irish Setter around my neck. Somebody please throw paint on PETA. And if you give me the address, I'll meet you there.
Suzy's mink balls. Shut up. I bought it at Neiman's.
This one was handmade in Italy. By blind people. It's made out of pony and then dyed puce. On purpose. And if you don't know what pony is, try Google because I'm tired of explaining (bad)fashion in this post.

If you have bought any of these purses, please don't write me. I will only mock you. Because if I can make fun of my own mink balls, you know I'm fearless.

End of chat.

23 comments:

  1. i can't believe you actually posted a pic of your sweater and please answer this- when was the last time you wore it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Too funny. (I have a problem with PETA too. Their like some of those fundamentalist right wing religious organizations.) South Park did a great segment once mocking them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. pj, my one and only purchase from Nordstrom. I think I'm still paying it off. You've seen pics of my place so you know I'm not like everyone else. My criteria for buying things is that if normal people want it, it's really not for me. I'm Gwen Stefani without the money, or voice. Or clothing line. Or body. Or Gavin.

    Anne, finally, another brave person who has the guts to hate PETA publically.

    ReplyDelete
  4. First, I'm not gonna touch the mink balls - yours or any other mink's.

    Moving right along ... yes, every one of those purses are ugly. I'm so glad I'm just a shoe whore and not a purse whore, too. I have exactly 4 purses: black, brown, white, gold. That's plenty.

    And finally, why would anyone hate PETA? You ARE talking about People Eating Tasty Animals, right? Right?

    P.S. I just went back and actually counted my purses, and it turns out I actually have two black purses and two brown ones. Still not purse whore territory, though.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The funniest bumper sticker I ever saw was, as Jami wrote, PETA-People Eating Tasty Animals. I wanted so bad to find one to put on my Vegan friends car, but I still haven't found one.
    And, I am sure the sweater must look better ON, right?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I thought of another one.
    PETA-Purses Exhibiting Terrible Accoutrements.
    You should have bought the sweater at Loehmans, it might have been missing some balls but who would notice?
    And, security tags, AS IF!
    OK, I have had tooo much coffee, gotta go, but I will be back.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jami, PETA haters coming out in droves. LOVE IT. 4 purses? That's wrong. But at least you're a shoe whore.

    gm, yes the sweater looks great on. Especially when I wear my padded bra. Love the new meaning of PETA!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Actually, I have 6 purses. The doubling up of black and brown was supposed to be in addition to the 4. Still, I'm just not THAT into purses. Oh, but the shooooooooes ....

    ReplyDelete
  9. jami, maybe I can go back to Loehmann's and buy you one of the above?

    ReplyDelete
  10. The second purse- with the coin purse on the outside- it looks like a testicle attached to the front.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Do these accessories require batteries, or do they run on their ugliness?

    Nice puff-balls though.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The sweater looks ... umm ... nice. Nothing else. Unless you can get me one of the purses pre-loaded with money, of course. Then I'd be happy to accept your gift.

    ReplyDelete
  13. eileen, I agree. It's so gross I can't believe it made it past the creative director of the toy shop it was made in.

    brentd, they run on ugliness! LOVE it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. OMG! What a great blog! Glad I found it, and your comments. I'd love to hear your thoughts about "Renting Luxury" items like Gucci handbags and Yurman jewelry! Are people really that screwed up they need to RENT a purse to make them feel good or impress other people? Plus, what do you think about all these so-called online "Social Networks" and "Fashion Forums!" Places where you can chat but not about yourself! Actually, one of the networks "rule" is "shameless self-promotion" is NOT allowed. What's our society coming to? We have to rent luxury to feel good, and we can't think highly of ourselves because it's considered Shameless Self-Promotion! I'm going to write a few articles myself and post them to my blog located at http://www.ValueBags.com. Man-O-man, those pictures of the purses you found are U G L Y!!!!!!!! : )

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anna, I just discovered the rent a bag site.Didn't know you could rent jewelry. God, I'd probably never give it back so it's just as well that I don't go to those sites.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well, by the time you pay for membership fees, rental fees, shipping and insurance fees, plus insurance (in case it's damage when using it) fees, you'd probably have almost enough to buy it on sale for keeps! : )

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ewwwww. Just when you think they can't get any worse, the next purse popped up. Wow - Where on earth were you shopping, honey? Hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
  18. madmad, I was shopping at Loehmann's.

    ReplyDelete
  19. It actually looks like the second and fourth purses have security tags on them. Maybe they all do. Um, someone would want to steal these?!?!?!

    The mink ball sweater. Oh my. That's all I have to say.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Suz,
    I thought that you, bein one of those damn frenchies and that you speaking frenchie as the frenchies speeks it would be knowin that puce is the culler of a damned blood engorged tick. That's why the culler is called puce, like marshay oh puce.A bloody brown purple, kinna like maroon. You know like the frenchie word for brown but..... well ya gets the pitcher.

    ReplyDelete
  21. That last one's almost wearable, if the color were different. And the texture. And everything else about it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. love your blog, hate those purses! mink balls and cosmos, delish!

    memo to self: i need a purse with sequins and a tacky big ass buckle.

    ReplyDelete
  23. oh ya, the second one down with the 'animal print' looks like a retarded cow with upside down udders. moooooooooooooo

    ReplyDelete