Standing Up On Friday Night

I did a gig for the Lady Shriners of Long Beach on Friday. Long Beach is where the Queen Mary is permanently docked and the Shriners are part of the Masonic Family.

Leaving L.A. on a Friday night is a nightmare. A trip that should take anywhere from 35 to 45 minutes took an hour and 45 minutes. I turned down the Shriners' invitation for a free meal because of the traffic and left late to avoid the real L.A. rush hour. Halfway there I remembered that these events usually never start on time and when I arrived they were only on their main course. A lot of these gigs will sacrifice the comics and serve food during the show but the Lady Shriners waited until dessert was finished. It may seem like a small thing to those of you reading this, but trust me, in our business, that's a big thing.

The theme was the 1950's to commemorate their 50th Western area meet. There were probably around 200 people there. I did a gig the previous Wednesday and there were maybe 30 people in the audience. Believe it or not, the more people there are, the easier it is. When you've only got 30 people and some don't laugh, it's really Q U I E T in the room. In a big crowd, somebody is always laughing. It's what comics refer to as The President of the Audience theory. In a small crowd, the person who doesn't laugh or laughs the loudest is subconsciously elected President and the drones around him or her will follow suit. In a big crowd, there are Presidents all over the damn place so you're always doing well in some part of the room.

This is Bobby Soxer commitment ladies and gentlemen, commitment. Ruth, who is on the far right, was my contact person and took great care of me.

The three women in this photo did not want to have their picture taken. After I begged them, they finally dragged themselves to the middle of the dance floor and then at the last minute, the guy on the far left rushed up to be included. I didn't ask them to pose like that but it made me laugh that the 3 people who did not want to be photographed morphed instantly into America's Next Top Greaser.

These women in the Poodle skirts were completely... ...insane. I asked for all the Poodles to come forward and they just kept coming and coming until they took up most of the dance floor. It took me 3 photos to get them all in.

After I had finished taking their picture and told them they could return to their seats, they all started screaming and rushed the stage. Do I look like Little Richard? Don't answer that.

The Centerpieces were all these little 1950 era cars sitting on 45s. I took this picture because I have a joke about Davy Crockett in my act because I'm really up on current events.
I committed a performance no-no and used Elvis' mic. There was another mic sitting off to the side on a podium but once I saw his and that it had a person named Brian attached to its sound board I was not about to use the other one. I had to lower the mic stand for my height and then FORGOT TO RAISE IT BACK UP WHEN I LEFT THE STAGE. When Elvis impersonator Steve Roth took the stage he looked at the mic level and shrugged and then raised it. So Steve, I apologize. Please don't hate me because I can spot a good mic a mile away and am so self-absorbed that I didn't remember to raise it back up.

After the show I hung around the parking lot and took this picture of a plane landing at Long Beach Airport, which is behind the hotel. Yeah, I know, I have no idea where the plane is either but it's purrrrrdy.

End of chat.

Shriners Lady Shriners Elvis Impersonator
Queen Mary Long Beach, California