Monday, November 26, 2007


I was invited to spend the holiday with McLoserstene's family, who live about 100 miles south of Los Angeles. I left late Thursday morning thinking there would be less traffic.
I was wrong.

Her family is not normal. But I guess you already knew that based on the fact that McLoserstene never allows her face to be seen on the internet.

This is their dog, Dali. This is their backyard, where they asked me to sleep.

This was the tablescape for Thanksgiving dinner. Mrs. McLoserstene has an obsession with fake food: coffee, pastries, pizza, olives, etc. It is always strategically placed in areas that would not invite suspicion so I spent 15 minutes waiting for others to eat first just to make sure that I wouldn't be the only one to die of Styrofoam poisoning.

The following day they drove me against my will to the Wayside Cafe for lunch. Patrons are encouraged to donate items to the restaurant as the Cafe is apparently too cheap to decorate. Thankfully there was so much to look at that I didn't have to listen to the McLoserstenes discuss the merits of chocolate Dr. Pepper over regular Dr. Pepper and why the egg salad was spilling out the sides of the whole wheat bread.Don't get me wrong, under other circumstances and in a different setting, I would have found those topics still boring fascinating. There are people in their town who have nothing to do so they bring their coffee cups to the Cafe and use them each time they visit. Little do they know that people like me will touch all the rims of those cups with leftover grease from my onion rings because I have nothing to do.

McLoserstene and I redid the family's living room. Mr. McLoserstene scowled a lot and Mrs. McLoserstene had to be surgically removed from her votive candle collection and fake ivy. Even though we told them we do this for a living and were doing it for free, they started drinking heavily.

Because after all, isn't that what the holidays are all about?

End of chat.


  1. This is their backyard, where they asked me to sleep.

    Least you had water.

  2. Did you at least get to sleep with Dali to keep you warm?
    Fake food is weird. I have some but I still think it is weird.

  3. I put sequins on all our fake food so I could tell it from the real stuff and thus avoid the possibility of styrofoam poisoning.

    And is that a chamber pot on the left side of the third picture? Running water, nice view, facilities, friendly face washer and bed warmer - what more do you want?

    "Honey, I don't want to just throw this out. Should we take it to Goodwill or Wayside Cafe?"

  4. Bossy thought thanksgiving was all about Turkey leftovers that make the fridge smell like Farts.

  5. the view is breathtaking!
    seriously you slept outside?

  6. Ah, LA traffic. It was like being home again, without the pain. Or the family. Actually, that's the same thing... ;)

  7. They sound like a lot of fun actually. I'd probably enjoy having them for neighbors. That table looked a bit worrisome. Like those tall stemmed things (they looked like oranges with cherries on top). I would worry that someone would knock them over.

  8. mickeys, they have 4 waterfalls in the backyard and they're all on timers.

    gm, I'm allergic to dogs! But I still love them and Dali is such a smarty.

    jami, no chamber pots.

    Bossy, it was that broccoli dish that you made, wasn't it?

    plain jane, I slept in my own room, which McLoserstene generously gave up because her parents made her.

    madmad, it took 3 hours to make a trip that normally is an hour and 40 minutes.

    anne, those are candle holders. There was a pumpkin candle on top of each one.

  9. Anonymous11:34 AM

    The traffic in Waikiki was just AWFUL! It took 8 minutes instead of the usual 6 to get to my friend, Richard's house for turkey etc. Mele Kalikimaka! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I live in Paradise!
    Martha Jane