Thursday, May 06, 2010

What's Wrong With Carrie Underwood?

It looks like Carrie had a visit from The Boob Police. As you can see by the red markings, I have no idea how to write in Microsoft Paint no matter how much hate mail I get telling me THAT I'M DOING IT WRONG.

After barely concealed photos of boobs on Pamela Anderson, Dolly Parton and the newly inflated Heidi Montag, it seemed to me like Carrie was going in the opposite direction by covering hers up. This is no way to get famous, even though you're already famous. Much like vodka and cake, there can never be too much famous.

Were those brownish shadings too much for Carrie's reputation as The Only Good Girl Left In Show Business? Did someone who DOES know how to use Microsoft Paint crisscross black lines across those boobs so we couldn't see them? And if so, does anyone have their email so I can write them and ask them how to do it?

Then I did a little something a good writer calls *research*. I'm apparently not a good writer because I'd rather decorate the facts and speculate wildly. Does anyone else think Demi Moore and Bruce Willis named their first child Rumer in honor of their adventures in the tabloids? I can't even stay on topic in one paragraph. I'm pretty sure good writers know how do that.

So while doing extensive research in Google Images I found this photo. Some of you guessed that the picture was from the People's Choice Awards and you have no idea how happy I was to discover I'm not the only one sitting at home having a conversation with my remote control. Had I seen it first and realized it was just her dress this post would not have been written and you could get back the 5 minutes I sucked from your lives by reading it. What's interesting is that I think people actually spend 5 minutes on my blog. And that I still don't know how to use commas.

So what's wrong with Carrie Underwood's picture? Nothing.

What's wrong with my eyesight? Plenty.
Once again I've proved my parents right.

Fuck.

15 comments:

  1. Well, hell - now that we can see the whole picture it's obvious that she's got to pee but the papparazzi are keeping her on the red carpet hoping for a really lucrative wet spot shot.

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  2. And I thought I spent way too much time contemplating Carrie Underwood's boobs. You've got me beat. :)

    I wish they were bigger though...oh and closer to my face..HAHA

    Phil

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  3. Rumer Willis needs to have a chin job and have that Jay Leno chin cut down to size... man she's homely. That of course has nothing at all to do with Carrie's boobs.

    Di

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  4. Anonymous12:14 PM

    For all of us with boobs, we are, on the average, a bit chubbier than most. I hate implants because it used to be that guys had to sleep with "fat" girls in order to experience "the rack." Oh well,
    aloha, MJ

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  5. See how I wasn't afraid to list her many faults? It's mostly because I'm perfect dontcha know! ;o)

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  6. What amazes me is that I understood not one word of this post.

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  7. you have WAYYYYYY too much time on your hands.

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  8. Her feet are on backwards. That's probably a sex thing.

    Casey

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  9. Well, it's not the best dress ever.

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  10. She needs a new stylist, that's for sure.

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  11. I think it's time we go out again but this time we won't do the whole key thing.

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  12. -->Microsoft Paint?
    Now THAT is funny.

    ~deb

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  13. You're so cute! And I don't know how to use commas either!!

    (But I'm clearly a huge fan of the exclamation mark. ;p)

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