This is a picture of me burning in hell. Stop applauding.
Nothing screams *unemployed* more than a person who paints their toes red, wears red pajamas, stands on a red rug and then takes a picture of it:
When I had my ankle surgery I had a red scooter and a red cast. And a full psych evaluation:
After reading Jenny's post on her red dress and leaving a comment about my favorite pants, red leather snakeskins, I decided to try them on today. Does leather shrink in the dryer I didn't put them in?
Forget the pants. I have a red leather skirt. Hmmmmmm. Oh I know what's going on here. WRONG SHOES:
Red shoes totally change the... oh fuck it:
I have some red tees that I know fit. If you're a whore:
Finally, something red that fits me perfectly:
All in all this was a very depressing post.
But if I can post pictures of myself wearing clothes I appear to be hoarding then you know that you can do anything in life if you believe in you.And the power of antidepressants.
Hahahahahahaha! Exhortative positive thinking makes me crabby too.
ReplyDeleteI do believe that snakeskin just shrinks all on it's own, even without a dryer. That's why snakes shed it and leave it behind, I think.
ReplyDeleteI want that chair. Now.
ReplyDeleteNice thong. Is it wrong that I'm turned on by those pics?
ReplyDeletestellar post. love all the pictures, especially the "snake skin" pants and scooter with cast. hysterical! i too was inspired by jenny's "red dress" post, but own nothing red, only a lipstick. so sad. thanks for sharing and take care.
ReplyDeletePictures 5, 6 and 7 make me uncomfortable...
ReplyDelete;)
I had the same problem with my leather pants and skirt. So depressing.
ReplyDeleteAck! If I wanted to see pants and skirts that don't go up past your hips, well...I'd look at my own dang mirror.
ReplyDeleteI come here for the sheer beauty of your golden image.
P.S. Love your label "using the bloggess to further my own career, of which there is none."
Hysterical pictures of the clothes that won't pull up...it's even funnier when you try putting the skirt over your head...in delusional hope that maybe it'll work that way.
i s'pose if'n y're gonna be one... be a big RED one :P lol
ReplyDeleteI'm usually not a fan of posting unflattering pictures of myself but I was laughing so hard at how DELUSIONAL I WAS that I just had to.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to stay and chat but I'm on my way to the McDonald's drive thru and sadly I'm not even kidding about that.
Wow, that Christmas decoration -- before I knew it was a Christmas decoration sorta thingy -- struck me as a bigass ball of red ants. No, that was not an earthquake, that was me shuddering!
ReplyDeleteI do think red is super fun though. Don't you? I mean, look at all the fun you're having in it. Makes you brave. :)
oh sweet jesus I am STILL getting over the fact that you gave us a peep show.
ReplyDeletekind of.
well, sort of.
peep
ReplyDeleteIf I showed a picture of ME trying to SQUEEZE into my last leather skirt- those followers would be scurrying like cockroaches to an "all call" for the next Bug's Life.
ReplyDeleteYou are funny and brave. I think the only thing that would fit me is the red chair.
ReplyDeleteRed toe nails - check.
ReplyDeleteRed pj pants - check.
Red rug - check.
Well fuckin' A, THAT explains why I have No Check. But you and I could pull our matching snakeskin pants up 3/4 of the way and sit in red chairs and eat Hot Tamales and drink Bloody Marys. I am inspi(red)!
Ok, I am ADDICTED to those hoarding shows and trust me, you are not there yet.
ReplyDeleteHowever, holding onto clothing that reminds you of a.. ahem... a better time/smaller you, may be the beginning of hoarding.
Horrors!
So, get rid of the stuff you haven't worn/fit into in years, they're probably out of style anyway. But, if they make for good material or a blog post?
Keep'em.
And, your devilsh, red pic reminds me of a certain pic of devilish sisters. Now you have to put ours up since we were so inspirational. Well you don't have to, but you should :)
I have pants and skirts like that, but they're not snakeskin or leather. Thanks for the show by the way!
ReplyDeleteAren't you supposed to slough off snakeskin trousers when they get too small?
ReplyDeletestay away from the milkshakes... see my post
ReplyDeleteWhy no red thong?
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the pics - that's more of you than I have ever seen (and it doesn't bother me at all). It looks fine from here, and yes, snakeskin and leather do shrink if not used for a while. (does that make you feel better?)
Whenever I want attention on my blog I hold a giveaway but posting disturbing yet strangely erotic photos is also a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI find myself drawn to your coffee table book of The Brady Bunch beside your red club chair.
The fact that Ann B. Davis as Alice is not the center square fascinates me.
Is this a rare misprint collectors item? What did you order at McDonald's?
X David
The Brady Bunch is really a painting done by a local artist who does movie and TV themed art. I never watched the Brady Bunch in my life although my friend Henriette Mantel played Alice in the first movie.
ReplyDeleteI just know a good conversation piece when I see one.
And I ordered the Mushroom Swiss Angus burger.
I think you need to borrow Jenny red dress you would totally rock it and dancing around dead people is your thing!
ReplyDeleteMmmmmmm, the Mushroom Swiss Angus burger!
ReplyDeleteThis post is EXACTLY why I am IN LOVE with you
ReplyDeletedamn...you make me laugh..dammit!
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard at those pics! And am so impressed that you've got red snakeskin pants (oops, trousers!) in your closet. So impressed and so ready to hear all the naughty things you did in them.
ReplyDeleteSorry, you post photos of you in string bikini panties and I will wonder what naughty things you might be up to. I can't help it! And I don't want to hear about the large fries you ordered with the angus burger....
LOVE the red chair. And that whore shirt.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I really "get" the devil photo...why would anyone do this.....
I can't imagine showing pics of me in clothes that don't fit. I'll do that when I want to lose all my followers/subscribers.
Since all the "snakes shedding their skin" wiseass remarks had already been taken, I was just going to quietly slink away. But then I figured, "Fuck it - I'm already here. Might as well make the trip worthwhile and leave a comment." So I am.
ReplyDeleteI like your pjs. Mine are gray and match my silver toes. But my carpet is a buffalo hide, which is brown and pretty hairy. However, the gray does go with my complexion.
I like it, but... do you have this same post in blue?
ReplyDeleteI was going to comment on some of your newer posts but got distracted but his complelty hilarious one! Good grief girl! Where do you come up with these ideas:) Thanks for the laugh....your red leather pants must of shrunk...no other explanation.
ReplyDeleteThat chair looks comfortable to sit in but a complete nightmare to get my fat ass out of. It doesn't matter, I'd still flop right down in it.
ReplyDelete