Tuesday, February 16, 2010

We're With The Band

This is another picture of me and Alain. He had a band with the guy on the left, Jean-Pierre. I made Alain let me and Lindy sing with them because two people in a band is not a band, Alain.

At 15 and 13 Lindy and I owned the same dress. She always wanted to do everything I did and wear everything I wore. She probably begged my mother to buy her the same dress she bought me. And I probably yelled at her and said We're Not Twins You Stupid Moron. Because I have an incredibly sophisticated vocabulary from reading all the thick books in our library.

We entered a Battle of the Bands at the Casino de Royan, the next town over from Meschers on the west coast of France, and came in second. I was devastated but I remembered that it's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game. I bet I know who coined that phrase. LOSERS. Here we are singing at the Casino de Royan. As you can see, we just had the one performing outfit. We're even wearing matching shoes. Sure it's a horror to look at now but check out Alain's shoes. I hope to God we did not all plan to wear white shoes for the contest because if we did I have to turn in my subscription to Vogue and move to Bulgaria.

Three years later I was in college in Paris and dating a German named Karl, below. Karl devirginized me. I can still see the trauma etched on my face as it finally dawned on me why he kept pushing my head down to his crotch. I probably looked like someone in The Blair Witch Project. I saw Karl only once more, in New York, many, many, years later. His brother took me aside and said "Karl no longer speaks. He got tired of talking."

At dinner I kept up a steady stream of chatter and eventually he answered one of the forty hundred questions I asked him, Why did you give up talking? He said he had talked enough and was going to spend the rest of his life listening. Because I have excellent taste in men.

Why are some of my pictures oddly shaped? Because I used to put my photo albums together like this and yes I have a disease.
The next summer we were in Canet Plage in the south of France and my sister looked like this in a bikini: Horrifying.

She was 14 and had longer hair but I convinced her to let me cut it all off because A. I'm a terrible person and B. Not one boy found me remotely interesting while she wore that fucking bikini. But the only thing shorter hair did was call more attention to her body. She always had spectacular boobage until she lost them in a tragic aerobics accident many years later. No body fat? No boobs. Run and hide, A Cup, run and hide.

Meanwhile I can increase my cup size just by looking at pudding.

24 comments:

  1. What a fabulous photo collection you have. If my sister looked like that in a bikini I'd be bitter too. Luckily my sister has a saddlebag bum and no boobs.

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  2. Finally a man that listens....you should have held onto him.

    Your sister may look good in a bikini, but now she's modeling a tshirt for YOU! (just trying to find a positiive)

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  3. Love that you've kept all your old photos... and remember who everyone is in them!
    I think Karl had a good thing going for a kid his age and he didn't even have to work hard at it since all he did was listen... and push girls heads south.

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  4. I enjoyed the hilarious peek into the past. (what's wrong with white shoes? ;-))

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  5. fantastic post. i love going back in time. your pictures are amazing. my mother dressed me and my sis alike until we were 14 and 12. i started babysitting and took my money to buy my own clothes. mom had a standing account at Laura Ashley and we would look like the "Bopsy Twins" in matching smocked, floral ugliness. take care.

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  6. OK, I am really gullible..did she really lose her boobs? Your 300th Follower, Pippi

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  7. -->I assume you were singing in French. Do you remember what songs?

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  8. Great story-telling and very funny!

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  9. Anonymous8:36 AM

    It was rather interesting for me to read that blog. Thank you for it. I like such topics and anything that is connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

    Best wishes

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  10. My sister and I had matching outfits until fourth grade .

    In high school I would steal her clothes, she when she spotted me at school in them she would run screaming and jump on me and pull my hair.

    We were, apparently, the entertainment.

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  11. and, by the way, I LOVED THAT POST.

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  12. Absolutely hilarious aerobics line until I thought .... wait....maybe it's true....

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  13. Ok now you have to tell us how Lindsy lost her boobage in an aerobics incident. Also and too how marvelous you two look in your matching outfits.

    My sister and I don't see each other very much but 9 times out of 10 we will show up wearing parts and pieces of the same outfit. She will have on the same shirt or shoes. It's a sister thing, which doesn't explain me and my sister since I was found under a rock and all.

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  14. I glanced at the tags and just saw "rack." Appropriate for the post I thought!

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  15. That is way I stopped doing aerobics so I can keep the girls and my muffin top and thunder thighs.Love your flash backs...so cool to have grown up in France, love the stories. Germans are all about the sex and drinking and very little words. So I hear.

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  16. LMAO.. can hardly type laughing so hard. Pudding?? I thought it was all the donuts I ate that added to the gradual increase in my boob size over the years. Hmmm, maybe it WAS pudding.

    Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

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  17. I knew there was a reason I didn't do aerobics.

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  18. Aerobics?

    So, you were an entertainer from way back.

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  19. funny you should mention that. I have the same strange syndrome when I put on weight. It goes straight onto my shelf and I cant see my feet. Nothing else changes much. I have a large collection of bras with cup sizes from A to double D. I have to confess that recently its more D than A (chocolate is the culprit)
    I am an only child, have never had a sister fortunately (I would probably have murdered a rival in the nest)

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  20. I think I'm glad I don't have a sister.

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  21. Does it count when people talk but nobody listens to them? It's like not talking.
    I love seeing pics from the past. I think I'll post some too.
    So adorable you guys are :)

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  22. this is great! i never tried aerobics before!

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  23. ye mean: men that taste good, suzy? :P lol

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