Friday, February 19, 2010

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

A lot of people have straight jobs. Waitering, catering, officing. And then there are straight jobs that oversee other straight jobs like managing, delegating, vice-presidencing. And then there's the top of this Straight Food Chain called the CEO, the Big Kahuna or The Guy Who Married The Boss's Daughter and then helped give him a fatal heart attack. Then there is the bottom of This Heap, delivery drivers, strippers and sanitation workers.

Yes, take down the stripper pole and stop calling Vegas.

Every job sucks. Because somewhere down the line it seems everyone has turned into an asshole. In my field, show business, we have our share of assholes. We have a very big share. Including, possibly, the percentage of share that your field is supposed to have.

When one of us turns against one of us, our main recourse is to spread the dish as far and fast as possible. If you're treated right you will tell one person but if you're treated poorly you will tell a hundred. That expression fits our business as tightly as one of Lady Gaga's costumes. We can cost you a job simply because you're an asshole. How great is that? Divas last about 10 minutes in Hollywood, unless you're Mariah Carey and no I can't explain that. You can even be an alcoholic or drug addict and can still work if you're a fun guy who is only slightly mental. Hello Tracy Morgan! Hi Andy Dick! Hey You Used To Be David Hasselhoff!

I had forgotten what being disrespected felt like since I haven't worked the comedy club circuit in a while. Those club owners will shred your ass like lettuce, even if you turned their under performing club from an Iceberg Wedge With Mayo into Wolfgang's Chicken Caesar. Yes, I'm talking to you Stardome. And Zanies Nashville.

But that's what happened this week. People disrespected me. People who take themselves way too seriously, which is a by-product of living in Los Angeles. People who think they're more important than they are. So for the last time: the important people are the President of the United States, Mission Control and Dr. House.

I'm sorry it sucks to be you but take a number and get in line. You do not need to beat up on others because you feel bad about where you are in life.

Passive Aggressives meet in the basement of the Lutheran Church every Thursday at 7 pm. Bring dartboards, pictures and snacks so we can eat our rage on toast points. Free parking in the asshole's driveway next door.

I salute those of you who hang in day after day, month after month, year after year. You work hard, take abuse from bosses and co-workers and keep your mouth shut. You're friends with people who routinely put you down or use you up like a free sandwich pass at Subway. But I? Cannot live that way. If you disrespect me in any way I'm outta there. I'd rather starve.

God knows I can afford to drop a pound or ten. (<---hack phrase alert. Sorry.)

End of chat.

25 comments:

  1. I was downsized, well, our entire department was actually out-sourced 8 years ago. Hating the corporate world as much as I do, I simply forgot to ever go back to work. That'll teach 'em. Stupid catty, back stabbing women.

    Di
    The Blue Ridge Gal

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  2. Anonymous10:45 AM

    Yikes!
    Aloha, and I'm glad I'm not in LA anymore,
    MJ

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  3. great post. i want to move to la. seriously. oh, and i think the PC term for sanitation workers is "sanitation engineers." take care and have a stellar weekend.

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  4. Yikes! I'm sorry you aren't being treated well honey! You don't deserve that. I'm going through some issues with possible budget cuts for teachers too and it's really frustrating. I think we all need a good glass of wine and some chocolate this weekend. Kori xoxo

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  5. -->Just remember, "The stupid shall be punished."
    I was told by a coworker that when you turn 30, you can stop being sweet and nice and tell people what you really think. I've been doing that ever since I turned 30 and it's been wonderful!

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  6. Well done, you deserve much better than that!

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  7. Shame on them. Fuck 'em. Feed 'em fishheads.

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  8. Life is too short to let people treat you that way. (Wait, that needs a hack phrase alert attached to it.... sorry!)

    Seriously, though, I love that you know exactly what you can and won't tolerate. Rather than stew on it or act all passive aggressive, just tell them to eff off.

    YOU ARE MY IDOL.

    p.s. I am too lazy to comment separately on your last two post.... but I love the old photos and your boyfriend Alain was a hunk. You little hussy! And, yes, your sister was very foxy in her bikinil; sorry your diabolical plan misfired with the haircut. ;)

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  9. tell alla dem assholes to get bent! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    word verif: lingna

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  10. I am leaving two separate comments today.

    I think I will start an extremely generous recovery meeting adjacent to your passive aggressive one.

    Wait.

    Same thing.

    xo

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  11. Can you give me the address of that Lutheran Church so I can blow the frikkin' thing UP?!

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  12. There you go, knocking Vegas again.
    They're just jealous 'cause your the hot blond in town.

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  13. Everyone can bite me too! Rock on Suzy. Can't wait for my new t-shirt for being the 300th follower. I will wear it proudly on my boobless body.

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  14. Imma itching to throw some pitching of a big one on somebody...you just point!

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  15. Ever since I was told to take my stripper pole home and stay there, I've been thinking about things like this. I'd much rather stay home and disrespect and be disrespected by those damned kids of mine.

    Like you, I prefer to tell the rest of them to suck it. Except for the nice gent at the unemployment office. He gets my respect as long as he continues to deposit those checks into my gasping bank account each week.

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  16. I wish I could rant and rave about having to work for the man, but i seem to be the only one WORKING AT MY HOUSE, so I have to keep my mouth shut and allow myself to be shredded......if only it would take off a few pounds.

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  17. I am not sure who did or said what to who (whom?) but I got your back.
    Yes, life unfortunately bites the big one most of the time. Why only just now I realized I was only three followers away from winning your t-shirt prize. I hope THE PIPSTER appreciates it.
    The whole thing sounds rigged to me.
    Anyway, chin up, kiddo, you are loved by 301 tiny pictures on your blog and together we can make one formidable 8x10.
    XD

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  18. I've found that when people give you grief, their either jealous of you or are so unhappy that being rude is the only way to make themselves feel better.

    Thank god you're way better than that.

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  19. I too have learned life is too important not to control our destiny.

    By the way, I'll be in LA in May.

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  20. Want me to send my son over there to take care of things? He's really buff.

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  21. I am not a person that deals well with mystery--what happened?!

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  22. great Idea about the meeting. I'll send my ex and his stinking bitch of a mother. In fact, they should lead the fucker.

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  23. Great piece, thanks for posting

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  24. Nice information, this really useful for me. There is nothing to argue about.
    Keep posting stuff like this i really like it. Thanks

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  25. I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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