Thursday, April 28, 2011

Never Underestimate The Power Of The Stupid

I feel sorry for President Obama. I feel sorry for him because rumors don't die. Hello Richard Gere and Is Your Gerbil Still Alive?

Sidebar: It's probably noteworthy that I spelled RUMOR like this: RUMER, when I first typed it. If you don't know who RUMER is, there's hope for you. Just don't call me because we'll have no one to make fun of.

Rumors are always started by The Stupid. People who haven't left their neighborhood in 20 years and who get their news from

Okay, so that sentence happens to describe me. And no I'm not going to show you my grades from one of the top 50 universities in the U.S. because I got an INCOMPLETE in SINGING.

Then went on to star in a musical review in Paris. Where I sang. Badly and incompletely.

Yet Another Sidebar: I'm the one in the middle, wearing a 2 foot tall headdress and sitting. While everyone else is standing. I may have gotten an incomplete in Singing but I got an A in Yelling At The Director.

Last year a rumor about me was started by Frogs and Lizards, the crazy lunatic manager of this building. She slashed some pool floats but told people I'd done it. The floats belonged to the girl downstairs who had 2 barking dogs that wouldn't shut up. I complained about them to upper management and blamed Frogs and Lizards for not properly vetting a tenant. In 2009, when Dog Wars broke out, (8 dogs in 6 apartments out of 21 units. With an echoing courtyard) it marked the beginning of me wanting to leave this place.

So by 2010 I was fed up living here. In March of that same year Frogs and Lizards started another rumor about me, that I reset the intercom and didn't tell anyone the new code. Because that's my secret dream, to lock everyone out on the street and then if by some miracle they should zip line their way in and go for a swim? THEY'D DROWN BECAUSE THE POOL FLOATS WERE SLASHED.

If you knew me at all you'd realize I'm far too lazy to have considered either of those incidents. I would have had to drag myself away from Twitter and that's not going to happen any time soon.

By the time the new manager took over I addressed the issue and made fun of the rumors. The new manager said, "You'd be surprised how many people think you did it."

In March of this year we had a huge storm. Lots of wind, lots of rain. The wind knocked over a plant and spread dirt all over the stairs leading down to the pool deck. Like every other resident manager except one,  this one doesn't sweep the stairs. So I had dirt and debris all over my worn, faded and disgusting looking carpet. Which, after 20 years, upper management refused to replace, which is a city wide housing LAW.

When the resident manager came into my apartment, I asked her to remove her shoes as the stairs hadn't been swept HINT HINT HINT. I mentioned all the dirt that littered the area and she looked at me and said, "I wonder who did it?"

I wanted to answer "A very revengeful dog barking hating rain storm that couldn't get into the building with the old code and then almost drowned with the help of a slashed pool float" but thought she might actually believe me. Did she think I'd done it? After all, the dirt affected my apartment directly so why wouldn't I do it, you know, just to make living here more of a hell than it already was?

So yes, I feel sorry for Obama. One untrue rumor can lead to other untrue rumors and now part of his legacy will be this unnecessary blight brought on by The Stupids.

I don't care whether you voted for him or not, or like him or not, why must a black president have to prove his American birth when Presidents Bush Sr. and Jr. didn't have to?

And everyone knows Texas is not part of America.


  1. Texas is it's own country, but I guess that doesn't matter to the voters.

    Sorry about the rumers, once people start to believe then stuff goes down every time.

  2. Since everyone thinks you've done all that other stuff, get off your lazy ass and actually do some crazy shit and see what happens!

  3. Hallelujah Sista! The Birther bigots make me CRAZY!!!

  4. Well, I'm not completely sure that I followed all of that, but I think probably I agree with you. So: Amen, Sister!

  5. I love the way you connected the dots.

    And do you know who Rumer Willis was named for?

  6. rumer? isn't that one of bruce willis' spawn? :O lol

    yeah, tehaas is still part of mehico, no? :P

  7. shit... now i see jenn had the same ideer! :(

  8. The birthers are all about his name, and his being african american.

    THey wouldn't be asking this of any other president.

    Also, do they think you would dirty the steps into your OWN house?


  9. I heard the loons wanted to see his mom's mucas plug, just to be sure, you know, that he was birthed and not built by some secret conspiracy involving minorities and nanotechnology.

    Stupid is as stupid is.