-Stop talking about the same things over and over and over. When I turn on TV I can't even watch reruns.
-Make up your mind in less than three days. As fascinating as the difference is between ecru and taupe, your equivocation gets on my last available nerve.
-Stop asking me what I think you should do with your life. I don’t know what I should do with my life and yours interests me even less.
-Stop asking me if you should have plastic surgery. Look in the mirror. If you don’t burst into tears, the answer is no.
-Stop asking me if you should lose weight. Look in the mirror. If you burst into tears, the answer is yes.
-Stop burdening your friends with all your issues. Do what I do and unload on strangers. For a big enough tip those bartenders will listen to anyone.
So in a nutshell:
Thanks Liss!
End of chat.
What are you good for, then?
ReplyDeleteAnd tell me the truth, do these pants make my butt look big?
This gives me a great idea for a book you should write.
ReplyDeleteI don't even put up with that from my kids, beats me why you would put up with it from anyone not from your womb!
ReplyDeleteGood list. Basically STFU and get a life. Live by it.
soooo asking for help finding a woman for my dad....ummmm is kinda out of the question?
ReplyDeleteMy problem is with puce and ecru.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused. Do I need to start tipping people who read my blog?
ReplyDelete-->I would add something about other's people's kids are not interesting to people who don't have kids.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, pretty good list...purty darn good, but I'm with Web SavvyMom...you gotta have that in there.
ReplyDeleteYou get sweeter every single day. :)
ReplyDeleteI look into the mirror and burst into tears.
ReplyDeleteBut I think that has less to do with the weight thing and more to do with the plastic surgery one.
i'd go even further than websavvymom and say that no one cares about ANYbody else's kids. kids are generally not that interesting.
ReplyDeletei love your list and am so glad i am not in danger of ever getting on it.
I love how the missing letter is U.
ReplyDeleteAs in the *word* doesn't revolve around U...
So be silent, *U*
This is perfect
Rene
I think you should put this on your card. Save yourself a lot of needless listening!
ReplyDeleteVery good advice indeed; you're a great pretend bartender Suzy.
ReplyDeleteSuzy, you are so right. Only a true friend knows that sometimes it is kind to be cruel. Only a comic would know how hilarious it is simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteHey, can I ask you something?
ReplyDeleteEh, never mind. I don't even care enough myself.
Self-censorship, the key to relationships.
Yes, will we be getting tips? Actually, I don't want one, you're too much fun the way you are.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I was coming here for a shoulder to cry on today, but I'm taking my self-destructing business elsewhere!
ReplyDeleteBLEH. I am with you 100%.
Single Dad Laughing
I have one!
ReplyDeleteStop drooling over boys that have barely left their teen years.
Gives me the creeps!
shot the fick op? i knew that! :P lol
ReplyDeleteThese are great...and I am trying to live more like this!! I hate when I find myself complaining to my friends and think later--they don't give a fuck about that, why did I just bore them for 45 minutes??
ReplyDeleteWe could all learn so much from you!!
Oh. So this is why you aren't talking to me anymore.
ReplyDeletei just re-watched 'the big lebowski', and that quote needs to have "donny" at the end of it.
ReplyDelete