Friday, August 06, 2010

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I ran into actress Christina Ricci at Gelson's this week. As I mentioned on Twitter the day I saw her, she's about 3 feet 12" tall and incredibly long-waisted. She avoids eye contact with everyone. Doesn't want to be talked to. Even Patrick Dempsey stopped to talk to me. He knows a non-violent stalker when he sees one. Maybe.

Ricci lives above me in the Hollywood Hills, in a house (see below) designed by Lloyd Wright, Frank Lloyd Wright's son. Way to pass on the wrong part of your name Papa Wright.

Whoopi Goldberg is an ass and is one of many reasons I no longer watch The View. I'm not going to sit here and defend the Salahi's behavior getting into the White House but after watching the clip of Whoopi appearing stage right to tap Michaele on the arm and TELL HER to keep talking about the incident, as opposed to her new reality show, was really too much. Whoopi is not the boss of the show unless I haven't watched in so long that she is. Once during a Christmas show years ago they paraded out some "Christmas T Shirt Winners" and Whoopi proceeded to screw up her face in disgust at each one. As if to say, "I'm not a part of this bullshit. I'm just here to be taken seriously."

Take a hike Whoopi, because all that weight you lost CAME BACK. So seriously, take a hike. If I wanted to witness condescension and criticism on a regular basis I'd go live with my mother.

See that Humor Medal badge at the top of my sidebar? I received an email from a malcontent who did NOT receive a humor medal. There were 50 winners in each category and it's just a promotional tool for the company that hands them out. It's not a serious award. Although Mr. Disgruntled has a humor blog, he did not win so he served up sour grapes to all who did. He explained that keeping the medal on my sidebar would damage my reputation in Google.

Well, I should hope so.

I still have my partial bridge in. I cannot get myself to the dentist across town because I can't.


  1. I'm going to be miserable to you when you're finally awarded that Sheriff's badge.

    I know - it's the best I can do. Plus I suck at being miserable to people I didn't give birth to. To whom I didn't give birth.


  2. Anonymous12:36 PM

    The Salahi thing amazes me. Risk federal imprisonment to get on a reality show? Eeeeewwwww. (It's not like it was a Spielberg movie or something equally timeless...)
    Aloha, MJ

  3. -->Whoopi is supposed to be the serious one as "the comic" on the show?

    Also, why are you a comic vs. a comedienne?

  4. All female comics hate the moniker "comedienne." It pegs us as women and has made for a lot of snickering and sexism among male comics.

    The press uses it for Carol Burnett, Tina Fey and their ilk. To me it conjures up a funny ACTING woman, but not a comic. Comics tell jokes.

    Like all feminist changes, we now have firefighters, flight attendants etc. No job description should give away your gender.

  5. Also to MJ? Salahi was already tapped for the reality show before the incident at the White House.

  6. I'm a big fan of Ms Ricci. Let's hear it for long-waisted, misanthropic midgets!

    Personal note to Ms Ricci: If you order your groceries online, you can avoid those awkward encounters at the supermarket.

  7. Ok. Ricci is a freak of nature and not in a good way, Wednesday Addams was totally type cast. Whoopi is a capital shitard. She did shitty movies ( see jumping jack flash, sister act atrocities, and her part in ghost). She has the common sense of a used Tampon but yet somehow maintains the narcissistic trait to be able to believe her shit smells like roses. At some point some ass kissing yes man/woman told her that someone valued her opinion. They lied. She didn't assault the Poser, but the Poser never claimed she did, they simply said the entire thing was a set up. Which it always is. I wish HassleCrack would bring in a friggin huge plastic wank and suffocate all those self righteous wenches by shoving it down their throats before taking herself out. The view is "the view from the nuthut"

  8. "No job description should give away your gender"?

    Does this mean I have to give up "Mommy"?

  9. Wait, Ricci lives in Dracula's castle? Cozy. So does she wear like six belts on her long waist?


  10. congrats on your humor award. that's awesome! i enjoyed your christina tweets. at least you can control yourself around celebrities. had i met ms ricci and she ignored me i would've been snarky. there is no need for her to be rude. it's not like she's and a-lister or something. i could understand someone like Julia and Jennifer acting that way. maybe if she was more successful as an actor she would be a happier person. take care.

  11. Dear Ms Soro: I'm with KMB, how did you manage not to say something snarky? I mean, who is Christina Ricci anymore?

    Me and you both on the teeth. I go in on the 12th and already dreading it. Should've drank more milk, or less soda...

  12. The View?
    I love that infomercial!
    The whole Salahi thing was a set-up

    *so sayeth my jaded ass :)


  13. all over my head, could care less about most in hollyweird... ceptin suzy soro, o'course ;)

    but do get your fangs cared for...

  14. You are THE top humor blog on my rating scale. Which is worthless, but still . . .!

  15. Haha, love it. And what? I didn't get that award. I'm outta here. Gonna go mope in the corner for awhile. I'll get over it though, your blog is awesome.

    Single Dad Laughing

  16. Whoopi has hair on her back.

  17. Who emailed you? Give us a clue or two so we can google the crab-ass.

  18. Whoopi was v. arrogant and dismissive when she appeared on the UK verision of this show. Quite went off her after that.