Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You Ghouls Are Waiting For Me To Croak

Ten days ago I drove one hour to the dentist and talked myself out of staying. I went back today and there were 3 of the most unruly children I've ever seen in my life with a stranglehold on the waiting room and their parents oblivious.

I remembered how this behavior was not allowed from our parents, under any circumstances. Even if we had a gunshot wound, we were told to sit quietly, cross our legs and wait our turn.
"But Dad, I'm bleeding."
"You call that bleeding? I'll give you something to bleed about."
"Yes sir and I hope you die in your sleep."
"What did you just say?"
"I said I wish we had a pet sheep."

After I waited an hour and my Xanax started to wear off or kick in, I can't remember, they sent me to my dentist du jour. The brunette on the left. She kept saying "You won't need pain pills for tomorrow, this shouldn't hurt you at all."

Why do doctors say that? About every surgery I've had. I always want to answer:

"Oh, did you just have a steel rod put in YOUR back too? I hope you die in your sleep."
"What did you just say?"
"I said now I can finally get some sleep with this giant ROD the length of my back."

But I managed to squeeze 12 Vikes out of her and sure enough, my entire left upper jaw is hanging by a thread, throbbing like a sub woofer and I hope I die in my sleep.

I put the Paypal icon on my blog with the tee shirt sizes. I promised 2 of the 3 I sold yesterday I'd send them out today but unless I put my jaw on a leash and drag it behind me in a little red wagon, that ain't going to happen today.

End of chat.

22 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:22 AM

    S,
    I hate it when they won't give you sufficient meds. These are probably the same medical "professionals" who don't want you to read your own chart. (What are they hiding? Their lack of compassion?) Hope you are on the mend.
    Aloha,
    MJ

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  2. They always say you won't need the meds. I don't get it. Are they paying for them?

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  3. Dentists are required to be sadists.

    I do hope you Live Through This. I still haven't placed the order for my shirt.

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  4. Wish my dentist looked like that.

    Mine looks like Mr Hyde after 6 cans of Stella Artois.

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  5. I hope you're feeling better soon. I hate when they tell you that you don't need pain meds. How is it that they know YOU that well? All they do is see you once every...whatever and torture you. How do they know how much pain you can tolerate? It's just wrong.

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  6. and you forgot to add.........i hope you dies in your sleep.


    I have to take a Vicodin just to CALL the dentist.

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  7. You were right, she is lovely. I would do her too, well maybe just first base.

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  8. Suzy,
    You know you won't die in your sleep, but if you do please don't haunt me with your jaw hanging loosely. Please don't mess with my electrical appliances either OK? Good now go take 2 of the 12 Vicadons and call me in the morning. ;)

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  9. You went to a dentist that still has fucking paneling in his office?? No wonder! He's not charging anyone for meds. Sucka.

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  10. Don't die in your sleep, Suzy your passengers won't like that!

    Peace - Rene

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  11. paypal always leaves me screwed, blued and tattooed... so i no longer deal with em :(

    hope the tooth fairy was good to ye? ;) lol

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  12. Wait...wasn't that gal on the left on ER?

    Anyway, keep a pen by the bed so you don't forget to fill us in on your crazy vicodin-dreams.

    Sorry about my kids in the waiting room.

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  13. I recently read somewhere that you should be allowed to hold your dentist's nuts in your hand the whole while they work in your mouth. That way, when they hurt you, you get to squeeze and hurt them back.

    Not sure how to put that to work on a woman. It wouldn't be the same at all, would it?

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  14. shirt purchased, chop chop.

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  15. I know pain is different with everyone but WTF, who gave the docs a barometer?

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  16. Oh man, take your meds and go back to bed and don't wake up until the throbbing is gone.

    But please don't die in your sleep either.

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  17. The good thing we've found is that if ever you REALLY need a vicodin, chances are a neighbor has one.

    Hey Suzy, haven't talked to you in forever. Good to find your blog!

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  18. Your Dental visit is going to give me nightmares! Feel better!

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  19. I have the opposite problem--they're always pushing the Vicodin on me when I don't want it. The pain relief is just not worth the hallucinations usually.

    Feel better soon.

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  20. Can't they just give you Vic in a pump with an IV feed? Dental problems are THE WORST!

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  21. Awwwwwww. Poor baby....I hate that you're in pain!!

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