Sunday, September 27, 2009

Pull The Damn Thing Already

Some Demento with too much time on their hands carved this out of a pumpkin. I'd ask Why but we're the country who stocks spam in supermarkets instead of garbage cans where it belongs.

If I had children, they would be taken away from me after this post. Monday they pull the upper left molar with only Novocaine, which is what we all know is as close to water boarding civilians as it gets. This molar is approximately 10 feet tall by 4 feet wide and sticks out of my jaw begging for a carved pumpkin for its scrapbook. I'm convinced the roots of this rotten tooth have grown past my brain though to my scalp and that's why my hair roots turn dark so quickly. THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU JUDGE.

So I went to Costco on Friday to refill my meds and buy a pumpkin pie. One of their pumpkin pies has 76 servings of vegetables and even though I buy one a year, I eat it in 2 days. In the middle of all this I decide to experiment with how many Xanax I'm going to need to sit in the dental chair and not kill the dentist. Even though that number was quite high, I did have to drive 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back so 165 Xanax was definitely out.

So Friday I ate 3 pieces of pie, took 3 Xanax and had a 4 hour nap. So three was out.

Saturday I ate 2 pieces of pie, took 2 (maybe 3, it's all a bit fuzzy now) and took a three hour nap.

Now out of pie, I realized the pie was definitely holding me back so I only took 1 Xanax and took another 2 hour nap.

Driving to the dentist is hard while you're napping. I guess I'll find out on Monday.

I put the paypal icon on my blog. I'm only charging $20 per shirt and eating the cost of the shipping, handling and tax. So pick your size, send me your address and I'll send it out on a day I don't use Xanax. If you want to send a check instead, that's okay too.

End of chat.

15 comments:

  1. I'm a wimp, and I had wisdom teeth pulled with only Novocaine. It would have been fine if I hadn't been aware of what they were doing. I mean, yuck. So, Xanax might be a good idea, after all. If I had had my Valium prescription at that point, I would have used some.

    Don't leave the dentist without at least some Tylenol 3. They'll try to convince you that you won't need it, but they lie. Once the Novocaine wears off, you're definitely feeling something. And it's not the love...

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  2. Good luck! I always find it quite inconvenient when the person in the car in front stops for a nap ... I will remember now that the poor person is probably just on the way to the dentist! :0)

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  3. Dude. Step away from the Xanax.

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  4. Quit hogging all the Xanax! There are others, like me, that need it too!

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  5. Um. While we're on a roll, can I have some Xanax? you can wrap it in a tshirt. noone will ever know.

    I'll be praying for ya in the moahnin, dahlin!

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  6. Tooth stuff?! General anaesthetic a shit load of alcohol and well, someone ELSE'S mouth.

    Dentists kill themselves for a reason. They're EVIL!

    Kinda like you, Pooz.

    Boss xxxx

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  7. I'm so sitting on the fence here, feeling all bad for you for having a tooth pulled today and laughing hard at the way you describe your Monday!

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  8. Aww, Mizz Suzy, I'm sorry your tooth is evil. Of all the injuries and pains I've had in my life, tooth pain is right up there for the worst.

    I'll order a shirt as soon as I sell my superfluous kidney.

    Meanwhile, I designed a veve for you, but was so freakin' busy last week I didn't get it finished, so that'll be this week sometime. It's not a traditional one...it's one just for you. Don't you feel special? It has nothing to do with teeth, by the way.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

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  9. Suz, I would have taken you to the dentist just to have blog fodder. :) You so freakin funny sober what the hell are you like high?

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  10. Anonymous11:28 AM

    I had dental implants this year. There actually are people who after spending all that money on the implants, don't bother to spend the extra $180 for general anesthesia while they drill titanium screws into your jaw. I had the general anesthesia. I now have two brand new teeth. I am happy. I also had to inform the dental receptionist that I wanted my prescription for Vicodin called in advance of the procedure so it was home waiting for me and I didn't have to stand on line in the drug store w/an ice pack waiting for the Rx. They have since thanked me for pointing out this improved Rx plan.
    Aloha,
    MJ

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  11. I have SEVERE dental phobia and want you to know this post has set me back

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  12. That pumpkin tooth really freaks me out!

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  14. You're obviously my twin as we share the burden of huge teeth that are only extracted with Novocaine and pliers!

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  15. My teeth are having sympathy pains.

    I also bought the big-ass Costco pumpkin pie last week. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

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