Thursday, December 25, 2008

Smells Like Teen Friday

Go read all the Mommy Bloggers before you read this.

I'm not kidding. Go.

Get all the sweet pictures of everyone's little darlings wrapped in Christmas paper and sucking on dolls' toes and the dog wearing reindeer antlers into your systems first. I want you to have a reason to feel good about life before the disgust of my blog sets in and you tell me I need a hug or some other retarded thing. Please don't ever tell me I need a hug. Cash yes, hugs no.

Yesterday I caught an episode of the Duggar marathon, the people with 17 kids.

With a SAG strike looming, many shows KO'd by the writer's strike, producers are looking for more shows like this. The Duggars get paid, get tons of freebies and PR while actors and writers who've spent a lifetime honing their craft for peanuts, just for the love of the art form, watch with mouths agape at how ridiculous Hollywood has become. Yes, let's give the HOUSEWIVES OF THE O.C., NYC and ATLANTA tons of money because we all know how poor they are.

Producers are the equivalent of Bernard Madoff. Only it's corporate greed masquerading as entertainment. I hope they, along with Steven Spielberg (doesn't he have enough money that he had to go with Madoff too?) lose it all and one day have to look at life the way artists do. At least the Japanese and French have the right idea; make a huge financial mistake and then kill yourself.

Merry Christmas.

Now go check out Part 9 of my memoir, All The Bad Sex I've Had AND IN SPITE OF THAT WAS NOT IRRESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO HAVE 17 KIDS.

Scrooge out.


  1. Anonymous4:43 AM

    I won't watch that show just like I won't watch that show with that really fat lady tooty or whatever her name is...I mean...had I known I would get paid a shitload of money, get freebies, I probably would have done something stupid too.

    merry christmas

  2. I am so glad I don't have television. I read one paragraph of those losers' story and flipped the page.

    I need therapy cos I really wanted Elaine to get that last chocolate babka. Knowing you personally is now tormenting me all over again...

  3. Damn breeding Duggars! They creep the shit out of me. I always get this eerie feeling like he's going to move on to the daughters once the wife's uterus explodes.

    Merry Christmas, Suzy!

  4. Does the mom still have a mullet?
    Merry Christmas!

  5. Yes, she still has a mullet.

  6. Mrs Duggar, they should call her vagina "a fleet of minivans".


    Boss O xxxx

    (Merry Fucken Xmas, Pooz!)

  7. I try to be kind, but I want to see the episode where Mrs Duggar's uterus falls out onto the sidewalk and all her daughters decide to get their tubes tied.

    We did your Caramel Vodka recipe and made some amazing Caramel Appletinis tonight, although my husband and son just drank it straight.

  8. LMSS: I think you were kind when you made the caramel vodka...

  9. Holy shit, you're HILARIOUS!

    Don't go to my blog. The only thing you'll find there is a bunch of cheerfulness and a godawful Christmas sweater!

    I can't watch the Duggers. Once when I flipped the channel, I heard them listing off the names and it was just too bizarre! I can't watch the one with 8 kids either...

    I don't know about being a struggling actor but I know about struggling and I think I should be rewarded for stopping after bringing ONE little stinker into the world. Where's MY paycheque!?

  10. This mommy blogger (sort of) won't even read about the Duggars in People. Gag.

    I'm with you--bring me back some great scripted dramas like Homicide instead of the lame reality shows like The Hills.

  11. I can't stand the mullet wearing Duggars and, most embarassingly, they only live about an hour from my house. "Whatever God wants," makes me want to puke. I guess God wants you to produce 18 kids with names beginning with J but leave several thousand to languish in foster care or orphanages. Sorry, Suzy, you hit a nerve with me as I guess you can tell!

  12. Anonymous10:53 AM

    It's blogs like this that make us love you and keep coming back.

  13. They give anyone remotely from the South a bad name. I just found out about the show and i'll never EVER watch that shit. All that's worth watching on TV is Californication and Weeds. Talk about writing?! In fact i think i'll go on-demand an episode right now. Erggghhh.