Friday, December 12, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

I'm sorry I have to show you this but if ONE MORE PREGNANT BLOGGER SHOWS HER STOMACH ON THE INTERNET, then I can surely show you this.

I had dropped some weight. Over 20+ lbs down to 123. But it didn't occur to me that my Victoria's Secret pajamas with a tie string would no longer fit and almost expose the cooch. I told you I wasn't good at math. So I put them on in sub-zero Ohio weather and this is what I looked like. AND I'M NOT EVEN HOLDING IT IN. Not as gross as pregnant women showing their distorted stomachs but pretty darn close. What should I name my poochy stomach? McFatterstene?

Either that or I'm shrinking:
What was really annoying is that I sleep commando but not in their house. I would have turned into The Princess and The Ice Block.

Leslie's younger son F is 12. He has now set my camera so that it does what it's supposed to do and I no longer have to compress pictures before uploading. BUT HE DIDN'T TELL ME. I just found out when I took the P.J. pictures. The picture below is her older son J. He's 15 and was standing behind Leslie imitating her. Watch the video. She's yelling at me for not doing all my French jokes.

F took pictures in B&W and sepia because he clearly enjoyed the look of retardation on my face. He took all the pictures in Ohio.

He and J are both straight A students. J plays a stratocaster and has his own band and is the next Jimmy Page. I told F my hands were numb and he said, "You have nerve damage in your neck." I'm not sure my doctor knows that.
A picture of Leslie the way she always - ALWAYS - looks so she won't kill me for the picture above this one.
F the future Ansel Adams and neurologist.

I've known J since he was born, here in L.A. Leslie's husband is still handsome and plays a mean guitar himself. He worked with Loretta Lynn on the road and in the studio for over 20 years. Leslie wouldn't sing with him at a gig he had one night because he refused to learn her favorite songs. So she went home and raised the thermostat to 72. He finally noticed it the next day because there were no icicles hanging off our noses.

The kids DID introduce me to a very nice man while I was there:

If it's like all my other relationships, it'll last 3 years and then I'll wonder what the hell was I thinking?

End of chat.


  1. Anonymous11:51 AM

    I will confirm that yes, Leslie (a former Miss Florida) is usually looking glamorous, like her publicity photo. When we first went on the road together to Texas in the 80s, she actually brought a hair dryer that you could sit under (not the hand-held kind) and did, in fact, do a bit in her act where she wore her official Miss America swimsuit and the requisite high-heeled shoes.
    Martha Jane

  2. I like the look of the new boyfriend...

  3. Forget about your enormous stomach, I'm more concerned with your ears... they make you look, goaty?!

    Boss xxxx

  4. Suz-You got a guys gut.

    I waved.

  5. Cute boys! :o)

    I would pay $1,000 Blagojevich dollars to have your stomach!

  6. Anonymous4:55 AM

    well you should have tried to hook up with the 15 year old i'm sure it's legal somewhere especially where farm houses are involved...great tummy girl...bitch.

  7. That picture is reminding me of all the Sex and the City gals freaking out over Samantha's "pooch." How about wearing a shirt that covers it and calling it a day? Is what I thought.

  8. I don't see anything wrong with that stomach. Is there something wrong with that stomach? It's a nice stomach! We want the stomach. Bring more stomach!

  9. OHH sexy stomach! As for the vid, I can't watch it until I go to a wireless place.

  10. Patrick Warburton says: "Was that a goat?"

  11. OMG. I would do anything to have that stomach. I'd even sleep with that goat. Goats have the creepiest frickin' eyes!

  12. I wish my stomach EVER looked like that. Can I go spend some time at Leslie's? I wouldn't mind sleeping in the barn at all.

  13. I KNOW you're not complaining about a stomach especially after losing 20 pounds. Bitch. If my Victoria's Secret jammie pants were falling off I'd throw a freaking parade in their honor. You better start eating because you don't wanna be all Janice Dickenson skinny.