Thursday, December 27, 2007

If You Haven't Seen My Seinfeld Yet

I'm the one in the bakery scene with the straight blond hair. The grown up bratty kid from A League Of Their Own plays my husband. I didn't cast that part because I would have booked someone with whom I might actually want to have sex.

On another note, I'm really enjoying this Christmas because my upstairs neighbors are out of town. The McPoundersons have a circa 1970 blender, which has a V-8 engine, and wakes me up every fucking morning at 7:30. I have told them a gillion times that their kitchen is directly over my BED and that when they stomp around wearing their concrete shoes I wake UP. And seriously, who needs to run a garbage disposal before 8 AM? Are there bones and potato rinds in there screaming KILL ME; KILL ME NOW! I guess I should be grateful that after 5 years, they have finally stopped hammering and building things at 1:00 in the morning.

I'm posting this before 6 a.m. because I lost power in my living room last night when the winds blew the crap out of the Hollywood Hills. None of the breakers were down so I just flipped them all until I found the one that gave me back the living room lights. This morning my alarm clock said it was 7:21 but apparently it was only 5 a.m. I didn't lose power in the bedroom so I have no idea what happened there. And now I can't turn my stereo off because when I do, it plays a Mexican station. P.S. the stereo was not on when I lost power and I never listen to the radio. Then I lost the Internet and TV signals later last night and was forced to READ. So needless to say, I was asleep early.

On Christmas Day I did what I do each year except for the last one, when I donated goats to a Rwandan family, and I gave out money to the homeless. I wouldn't mention this if it weren't for one of my readers. He emailed me and asked me to pass out $100 for him, which I did. He is sending me a check for it in case you think I'm independently wealthy and want to email me and ask me to buy you a Marc Jacobs bag. He and I have never met in person and have only exchanged a handful of emails over the last few months. I don't want to name him here for fear he'll get asked to buy someone a Marc Jacobs bag but suffice it to say that he's a very funny blogger over at humor-blogs.com and obviously a really kind man with a big heart.

So peace on earth, good will to (wo)men is alive and well here in Hollywood.

End of chat.

27 comments:

  1. Thank GOD my upstairs neighbors moved out and somebody much more quiet moved in. Every single day was the same thing. Loud, obnoxious sex at 11 pm directly above me usually proceeded by chasing each other around the apartment for half an hour.

    Then one of them would be up at 6 am making breakfast, washing clothes and vacuuming the rug. Every. Single. Day.

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  2. I would have given you permission to kill them.

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  3. MereCat10:36 AM

    What's the name of your Seinfeld episode? Is it "The Dinner Party?"

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  4. Yes merecat, it's called The Dinner Party.

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  5. Anonymous11:17 AM

    Suzy,
    You may wish to check the Los Angeles housing laws. I think idiots like that are supposed to have carpets. When I lived there, I threatened to take an upstairs neighbor to court due to noise, and as a compromise she no longer wore shoes in the house. It was very peaceful after that....
    Aloha,
    Martha Jane

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  6. Hey Suzy, I will tune into Seinfeld today! That musta been fun. Don't feel bad about your Christmas gifts this year. I got a tin of Altoids and some Chap-Stick, and a couple of other useless dollar dust collectors, but I was still excited! I never understand really when people aren't grateful that people give them gifts, no matter how small they are or how much you don't like them. Maybe that's just the poor kid in me, but I just love anything that's free! And I get all mushy-eyed when someone hands me something with a bow on it. Even if it IS just a box of tampons.

    Happy New Year!

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  7. Jessica, you're a bigger man than I am! I always have a no-gift policy with all my friends. People only get you what they want you to have, not what you want. And most people don't have great taste. I'd rather exchange dinners.

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  8. That would be nice! I just saw your episode...I don't think I'd ever seen that one before. Wow, you played a meanie! But, the whole time I was watching I was thinking, wow, I must really be Southern because I don't think I could handle all those rude ass people working in those stores! Nathan and I would have been already calling the Health Department on that bakery. Nonetheless, New York is still one big magic musical in my head...at least until I get to visit! Take care. :-)

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  9. PS: That wasn't to say that I think YOU'RE a meanie. You're lovely! <3

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  10. Jessica, playing Meanies is more fun than playing the nice person. Larry kept giving Jerry and Julia directorial advice thru out the shoot and it was making me nervous because he wasn't saying anything to me. If you're an actor, you wonder if they just think you're too hopeless to help.

    Finally I asked him if I was doing what he wanted and he said, Perfect. I guess I have Meanie down to an art form!

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  11. I know what you mean; I always liked playing the baddest bitch in town in plays! Still, you are too cool for school. Most TV people I've had dealings with are from commercials or reality shows...so nifty for me I'm e-buds with someone who's above that!

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  12. Thanks Jessica. You're a gorgeous model and I saw your website and my wish for you in 08 is that you find an agent who gets you LOTS of work!

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  13. That would be nice! Meanwhile, hopefully things work out with the writing, as I am currently a gay man in a girl's body writing celebrity gossip for backseatcuddler.com. All the things I'm good at pay shit!

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  14. Ok, now we're just talking to each other while everyone else is screaming at their computer screens TAKE IT TO EMAIL!

    If I can give you ONE piece of advice. Don't ever work for free, because once you get in that trap, it's hard to get out. Don't be needy and think you have to work for nothing or else you won't work. You will if you hold out and believe you will. Joy Behar taught me that!

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  15. Boxersgalore4:09 PM

    Hey Suzy, I watched and DVRed the show... I've seen it before but didn't really think much about it other than you played a real ass and I would hate to be going to the same party as you... lol
    But I watched it with different eyes this time, I still thought you were a real ass in the episode, but I was able to appreciate your acting abilities as it seems your not such an ass in reality. Hell I wouldn't even mind going to the same party as you... Great job!!

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  16. P.S. My advice is to bang on your cieling with a broom handle everytime the neighbors wake you up.... or you could just shoot them!

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  17. Thanks boxersgalore. Now I'm a meanie AND an ass. lol.

    As I explained to Martha Jane in an email, I can't insist that people carpet their kitchen. I've tried banging but they don't change. Don't they own any SLIPPERS? What kills me is that they've made zero effort to keep the noise down. Except once, when they were banging their espresso machine on the side of their kitchen counter and it sounded like bombs going off down here. I complained over and over and finally they stopped because they said they didn't know how loud it was.

    And then they got that stupid blender.

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  18. Might be time to consider hiring an assassin to deal with your noise problem. Sure it's a bit extreme, but it does have the benefit of being a permanent solution.

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  19. D2, don't think I haven't thought about it.

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  20. MereCat8:52 PM

    That was fun to see you on Seinfeld! But I was kinda scared of your character.... I think she needed a hug! Glad I finally caught the episode. You're fabulous!

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  21. Hey merecat, don't be too scared, I'm an actor, it's what we do, ACT!

    And thanks...xo

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  22. Damn it!
    Due to my vomiting epsiodes of the day before, I had the TV on Seinfeld but I was actually trying to eat something so my 500lb frame wouldn't lose a single pound!
    I listened to the show but didn't actually watch it. I'm sure you were brilliant though!

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  23. Surcie4:14 PM

    I gave my husband the complete series for Christmas, so we now own your episode!

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  24. Surcie, I wonder if I get any resids from those sales. I still get checks so mabe I do.

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  25. boss of everything3:14 AM

    "I didn't lose power in the bedroom so I have no idea what happened there. "

    Of course not.

    Prinn xxxx

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  26. WHAT??? You bought me a Marc Jacobs bag??!!! You are SUCH a good friend and I love you you SO much and oh my GOD!

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  27. I think I've seen your Seinfeld at least 20 times. It's cool to be able to point and say, "Hey! I know her!"

    Cheers! Here's to a fantastic new year, Suzy.

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