But First, The Emmys

Once, in my local supermarket here in the Hollywood Hills, I was waiting in line and some studio guy ahead of me casually mentioned the casting for the new movie Get Smart. When he said that Anne Hathaway was playing Agent 99, the entire queue, including the cashier, broke out into a heated discussion over whether this was right or wrong. This is not an argument you will ever hear in New York. I'm a hardcore showbizite and if I ever wasn't clear on the difference between these two powerful towns, I was this time around. L.A. is Show Business. New York is just Business.

I liked the theatre in the round at The Shrine, which I thought would be awkward and I loved Ryan Seacrest. He was a great host. Mainly because he wasn't trying to cock up the event with jokes. He actually did what he was supposed to be doing, HOSTING. He has one of the highest Q ratings in the business and he's no stranger to large crowds and he has the gift of ad lib that does not offend. Let's face it Former Hosts Of Awards Shows: we're not watching to see you; we're there for the gowns, the bling and who loses. I mean, who wins.

Note to Hayden Panetierre, you're 18, not a transvestite.

The censoring of Sally Field was beyond stupid. She used the word "God Damn." Having worked the South extensively during my stand up career, I can tell you these people would rather hear you say 'Fuck' than 'God Damn.' Already, you know how wrong that is. There are many Gods, there is only one Fuck.

Ray Romano was censored because he allegedly mentioned the back story of the new Patricia Heaton show, Back to You. God Damn Fucks.

I was happy with a lot of the winners, mainly Jaime Lee Presley winning for My Name is Earl and Jeremy Piven for Entourage. I never respect the drama winners as much as the comedy winners. Comedians can handle drama expertly (Robin Williams, Richard Belzer, Billy Connolly) but people who can only do drama can't do comedy. Even Meryl Streep falls down in that category. And please don't comment that Jack Nicholson is funny. Seriously, you'll only prove that you don't know shit about comedy.

Sidebar: And while I'm bitching about comedy, there are lists in comedy, lists of THREES. If you're writing comedy on your blog, make a list of 3, not 7. It doesn't work for the ear or the eye. And while I'm still ranting and raving, Fuck is the funniest word and there's not a professional comedian or comedy writer anywhere who doesn't know that. Stop fiddling with it on your blogs or find another word that has the blissful K sound. God Damn Fucks.

I was, once again, confused by the win of The Amazing Race, which has won its category every year it has been nominated. To me, the Amazing Race is to see how fast I can change the channel if I accidentally land on it.

The best part of the night for me was when my old friend Mike Sweeney gave the acceptance speech for best writing for a comedy/variety show for Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Mike was always a funny guy. He was a lawyer who gave up one sleazy business to do another sleazy business, stand up comedy. This photo was taken on the last night of Comedy U Grand, which only Sweeney can pronounce correctly. This club was a pioneer in its time because it was the first one in New York City to give an entire night over to women, who were not exactly having an easy time getting booked back then. I'm talking 1983-86. When this club closed, all the women showed up to do sets and say goodbye and Sweeney showed up dressed like the big girl that he is. A big girl with huge balls. I haven't seen them, I'm just saying.

Anyway, it was great to see him and his team win. Love the socks.


End of Back From New York But Still Bitching Like A New Yorker chat.