Thursday, August 09, 2007

Men Fake Foreplay


When Mike Dugan and I were both doing standup back in N.Y. he somehow ended up crashing at my place even though I can’t remember why. He used to take two showers a day and when I recently reminded him of that he had no recollection of it. When he left New York he gave me his IBM Selectric II. That machine took up so much room it should have paid me rent.

Mike wrote a show called Men Fake Foreplay, directed by character actress Frances Fisher. (ER, Grey’s Anatomy, Boston Legal) It’s running Thursdays and Fridays in August at The Hayworth Theatre here in Los Angeles. It’s a really hilarious show in spite of the fact that I'm not in it.

I asked him if he remembered the name of my show, which toured the U.S. for 8 years. He came up with these titles just to piss me off:

‘God, this is Suzy calling. Fuck off’
‘Breast Size Story’
‘Your Dick’s Too Short to Box with Soro’
‘The Miracle Whip Worker’
‘The Diarrhea of Anne Frank’

In spite of this, we’re still friends. Or at least he still thinks so.

End of chat.

22 comments:

  1. This, ‘The Diarrhea of Anne Frank’ is GOLD.

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  2. I just spit out some of my coffee laughing too hard!

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  3. Good news about the effluent java. Comics live for that. And although I would like to take credit, it was actually Carlos Mencia who wrote those lines, Suzy. I haven't written anything since I misplaced my IBM Selectric II somewhere.

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  4. Anonymous11:39 AM

    I have heard (from a VERY reliable source) that Carlos Mencia stole the IBM Selectric II...
    Aloha,
    Martha Jane

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  5. MJ, out of the park on that one...

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  6. Hilarious, Martha Jane. Oh my god I miss the comeraderie and creative sparks when comics collide.

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  7. "I miss the comeraderie"

    I'm guessing you're missing a dictionary too.

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  8. Martha Jane, any guesses where my dictionary might be?

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  9. Anonymous1:19 PM

    Mike,
    I heard that Joe Rogan stole the dictionary from Carlos Mencia...but it could just be a vicious rumor...
    Aloha,
    Martha Jane

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  10. MJ, Joe stole the dictionary but it was to beat Mencia to a pulp.

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  11. If you look up anything in the dictionary there's a picture of a hack joke premise next to it.

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  12. Anonymous1:48 PM

    Let's hope it's het Woordenboek der Nederlansche Taal dictionary with which he hits Mencia. If there is any doubt as to his creative limitations, try to find a copy of the 1992 Comic Relief (I think it was '92) where he says F*ck 63 times in a four minute set. That's not including firing off both middle fingers like a gunfighter 20 times.

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  13. "where he says F*ck 63 times in a four minute set."

    I'm impressed that you took the time out to count. Your obsession makes you a good candidate for being a standup comic yourself.

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  14. Anonymous1:59 PM

    I AM a comic. Guess who. I'll give you a hint:

    CON-TIN-EN-TAL CON-TIN-EN-TAL

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  15. If that's a sig punch line I'm doomed, I don't even remember my own.

    Another clue pweeze.

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  16. Anonymous2:05 PM

    I quit working for Calvin Klein to become a comic

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  17. Are you Marky Markowitz?

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  18. Good God! Another of our secrets out of the bag!!

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  19. Hey Dan, thanks for stopping by. For the rest of you, Dan has one of the most popular humor blogs on the web.

    And he's always ranked higher than me!!!

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  20. dan is definitely hot but not in a perverted kinda way. I forgot what else I was going to say.

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  21. My uncle worked for Calvin Klein for years. He really did.

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  22. gm, let's just say that the Calvin Klein person turned out to be someone who was fucking with my head. Right Dugan? R I G H T?

    All this over a Selectric II.

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