Thursday, October 06, 2011

The Only Kind Of High I Don't Like

If one more person tries to high-five me I will raise my hand but then I'll punch them. Even though the fist bump has threatened the high-five's world domination, it stubbornly persists in distracting sporting events, interrupting conversations, and making sex longer than it needs to be. "Yeah yeah that was good for you now can we get back to me already?"

There are many things that went on too long:

The Beanie Baby - BUT IT ENDED.

Jon Gosselin's career - BUT IT ENDED.

The Presidency of George W. Bush - BUT IT ENDED.

Andy Rooney - BUT IT ENDED.

Harry Potter Books - BUT IT ENDED.

Saturday Night Live - IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED.

Ke$ha - LORD LET IT END SOON.

Rap music - HOW HAS IT NOT ENDED?

Jerry Springer - GIVE ME A SHOTGUN AND I'LL END IT FOR HIM.

Barney: FUCK.

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I am personally in favor of retaining the high five. For me, it's a surefire way of determining exactly who (whom?) I want nothing to do with.

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  3. I don't high five or fist bump. Why interrupt sex for a high five? Pure selfishness. And I thank Jesus the Christ that my kids were too old for Barney.

    I hate you. You hate me.
    We're a dysfunctional family.
    With a great big kick and a slap from me to you.
    Won't you say you hate me too?

    Love,
    Lola

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  4. Confession time:

    I like to type High Five, but I can't do it.

    I always miss, and that isn't good for my sense of esteem.

    Love your posts, Suzy.

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  5. -->Anything Kardashian.

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  6. I was going to add 'infinity' as something that has gone one way too long but then figured that if infinity actually DID end it would just be a hallway.

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  7. Other things that went on too long:

    My last comment.

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  8. Hell yeah! *high five*

    Oh...

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  9. While you've got your gun out could you take care of all the wives--Mob, Beverly Hills, New Jersey, etc.

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  10. How about an air high five? That way you don't have to touch anyone? I like doing it with my husband from across the table. We are weird.

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  11. I have never high Fived during sex...well except durign the Eiffel tower and the fist bump usually makes its way to the fist punch for me (i have big knuckles and it hurts people) and Barney is the anti-christ. Can I add Anyone from the cast of Teen mom and Bride-zillas to your list of PLEASE GOD MAKE IT END's?

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  12. LMAO i completely agree with you! and, obviously, we won't high-five each other bc we discovered something we have in common ;)

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  13. As a HUGE germ phobic I'm about the fist bump rather than high five. Oh. and don't flush the toilet near the toothbrush. No worries.

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