I don't like trendy things. When everyone lost their virginity at an early age? I didn't. When everyone started getting tattoos, I didn't. When everyone started wearing black fingernail polish, I didn't.
So I certainly can't get behind any of these things:
Like Ed O'Neil could get a Sofia Vergara in any lifetime.
If I wanted hot liquid with no porkchops in it I'd stand under the shower and open my mouth.
Enough already with the Pirates movies. And stop pushing your hair out of your eyes every 20 seconds. That's from the Jennifer Aniston School of Acting. That's not a compliment.
PLATES ON A WALL
For the love of God, Grandma, go to Ikea and buy a 20 dollar print.
Besides being unable to navigate the store in less than 3 months, if you look at their furniture under a microscope you see little Swedish people pointing and laughing at you because you can't afford expensive stuff.
People have suggested I came too late to the Simpsons party and that it was better in the beginning. The beginning of what? The end of time?
I'm a standup comic. My first book, Celebrity sTalker, is now available on Amazon. I've entertained the troops for the USO and performed in 8 countries and 24 states. I'm also the co-creator of Single, Married & Divorced. You might have seen me on Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm.