Sunday, August 28, 2011

I've Got Klout I Didn't Even Know About

If you're on Twitter you know about It measures your influence on the Internet. The higher the score the more fake important you are.

Hot Comes To Die - 58
Dooce - 68
President Obama - 89
Lady Gaga - 92
Justin Bieber - 100

I thought the scores only went up to 100 but there's a level 120. I think they had to add that for Bieber.

Sidebar: Don't ever make the mistake of smelling the perfume JB put on the market. It will kill you dead.

In my case, my fake importance surprises me. I'm not saying I don't get a lot of RT's on Twitter. That's when some people decide you said something smart or funny or stupid and all of Twitter needs to hear it. And they RT it, or Re-tweet it. So your stupid tweet goes out to even more people than your own followers. And like that annoying Joe Namath commercial from the 70's "and so on and so on and so on." You're worldwide stupid!

But when I saw this I was doubtful. 1000 RT's of ONE of my tweets? Seriously?

But this one is even better. I've had 500 unique mentions on Facebook? I'm not even on Facebook. Some people think I said something clever enough to transfer over there? That would imply that I'm not clever at all because it's FACEBOOK. Where all my high school friends and comedians I wouldn't sleep with congregate. Which is why I'm not on it.

And yet I'm on it.

And more importantly? I'm now black.


  1. Black Suzy Soro is apparently helping your Klout.

  2. God Bless the black Suzy Soro.

    For those of you who don't know, my last name is MADE UP.

    A very spiteful gay friend of mine put that on FB years and years ago, because I guess he thought I would one day join? I don't know. He's an evil queen.

    I had told him I thought FB was really not something I would ever do and for years I didn't even know Black Suzy Soro existed. Then someone wrote me and asked me if I'd had a skin transplant.

    And of course I said OF COURSE WHO HASN'T?

  3. I've heard of Klout but I'm pretty sure I have no klout so I won't bother to join.
    I already know I'm not the interesting or retweetable so why bother.
    Although I did get a bunch of retweets on one tweet a long time ago. They had just installed security cameras at work that looked at our computers so I wrote I would have to twitter from the shitter from now on.

  4. We're all on FB talking about you behind your back.

  5. Okay, so I have a klout score of 70, which is TWO more than Dooce. How in the hell is that even possible? I don't get how klout comes to its conclusions.

  6. i don't think i follow you on twitter, will have to change that.

    btw, i fixed my bad grammar on my post. thx for pointing it out. i didn't catch it becuz i didn't proof it!

  7. I know not of this "klout" you speak of. But will promptly investigate! Monday is always a good day for me to find out I'm not popular again! Also- don't know why I WASN'T following you on Twitter...prepare to gain more klout.

  8. Sorry, I'm not on Twitter, but I do Facebook, so I'll have to keep your stats up there and repost your stuff.

  9. Which tweet got tweeted out 1,000 times??

  10. Klout tells me that I'm influential about Sarah Palin. I'll be that makes her immensely happy.

  11. Congrats on becoming a minority. Black people get so many'll love it!!

  12. I HATE you! Why did I read this post about Klout?

    I had to join, and now I'm obsessed with raising my pitiful score!

    Curse you!!!!!