Tuesday, July 26, 2011

This Is Why My Sister Never Lends Me Money

If you have a younger sister you know your only job in life is to torture her. My sister Lindy used to be younger than me but as I age she becomes older and older as I bask in the denial of The Vain and The Botoxed.

This is Johann, one of our relatives on my Dad's side. I've been telling my sister since she was a zygote that I often get pictures of her and Johann confused when I go through our photo albums:




This is a picture of Lindy when she was 2 and a half. It's because of this photograph that I keep telling her she's adopted because we don't have any little man trolls on either side of our family:



God paid me back for all my emotional abuse by making her look like this when she was 13:


And like this when she was 38:


God is a spiteful man. Sorry feminists, but...

...MOST DEFINITELY A MAN.

14 comments:

  1. If it wasn't for your barbed comments she'd probably be a two-KFC-family-buckets-a-day couch potato, so she should be thanking you really.

    I have younger brothers so I presume ALL older sibling tauts are just good, character-building life events. Makes 'em stronger.

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  2. pfffft. you're way cuter.

    now then. i would like to inquire about membership in The Vain and The Botoxed Club...

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  3. My stepmother has a sister who is the youngest of 6 and the only other girl. When she was little her brothers used to walk her down to the storm drain at the end of their street and tell her that is where their parents found her. Then they called her gutter baby. They now range in age from mid forties to mid sixties and at least once when they get together you can count on one of them saying "GUTTER BABY! GUTTER BABY!"

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  4. your sis has a BEARD? :O lol

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  5. I have two younger brothers and two younger sisters. They all make fun of me. This is probably as it should be.

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  6. She is the one standing in that last photo, right?

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  7. I always wanted a younger sibling to torture and tease but never got one. Instead I'm the younger sister that got tortured and teased.

    I'm a member of the vain and botoxed club too! Which is why I look 10 years younger than I am and people think my sister is my mom!! Hahahahahahaha!!

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  8. Not that she wasn't adorable, but that swimsuit bottom is screaming "diaper" to me.

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  9. I don't know. Based on the magazine cover I'd say that she didn't turn out that well.

    OH. She's the one standing.

    Never mind.

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  10. -->I'm the youngest and was always tortured by my older brother and sister. They told me I was adopted and my "real" name was Sally Petunia.

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  11. What? That's what she looked like at 13???? She deserved everything you gave her. Plus, you're just not doing your job right if your little sister isn't squirming. Good on ya.

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  12. Sisterly torture is a given. I recall being the "cute one" while my little sis was a "plain one". Then I remained the cute one while she grew into the "beautiful one." Life!

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  13. You built her character for her. So kind of you. Think of the sloth she would have become if it hadn't been for you. She shouldn't lend you money. She should just give you money.

    :)

    Cheers,

    Casey

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  14. O.K. I'm hooked. I laughed out loud at this one even though I was the youngest sister -- with FIVE freaking older siblings to pick on me.

    Love,
    Lola

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