Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Guns And No Roses

In the space of 5 days I had 3 violent dreams, two about guns and one involving the dismemberment of Ethel Mertz.

The dreams were so scary that I got out of bed, convinced this was a message warning me of impending Burglaritis. I'm afraid of burglars so sometimes I sleep with all the lights on, which is stupid because if a burglar comes he can see exactly where everything is.

The next morning I Googled a question that led me to the ChaCha website:

QUESTION: If a person dies and you don't close their eyes do their eyes freeze in an open position?

If someone dies and their eyes aren't closed, most likely they will stay open until someone forces them to close.

And thanks for using ChaCha!

The answer to that question had been bugging me since I found out that undertakers glue the mouths of dead bodies shut. Then someone told me they had to do the same with eyes because they pop open, just like mouths.

Aren't you glad you stopped by today?


  1. -->Another reason I want to be cremated.
    Plus, I don't trust my husband to pick out the right lipstick color if it was open casket.

  2. OMG.

    In my Will I am now specifically asking that my mouth and eyes remain unglued so I can carry that "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!" look into the afterlife.

    Thank you SO much.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I know a few people who's mouths I'd like to glue shut. Does that count?

  5. You should have called me! I've had to close a lot of dead people's eyes and mouths. Sometimes I have to prop the persons head up for their mouth to close and hold the eyes closed a minute or two for them to stay closed.
    It's just something nurses have to do. At least we don't have to shroud dead bodies anymore.

  6. My grandma died with her eyes open... after about 10 minutes, I was like, "um, can someone shut those eyes please?" - My dad did it & then we looked about 10 minutes later (where were the freaking nurses?) & the eyes were open again. That's just weird...

  7. Okay, this is too freaky. First I've had a day filled with guns and roses, there was no delaying the reading of this post once I'd seen the title. Found a handgun on the ground in a vacant lot while I was walking my dog this morning. Called the police. Thought they would be more interested than they seemed. Cop finally took it away after he got me to handle it so my fingerprints would be all over it. Don't know if that was his intent, but that will hardly matter if I get hauled in and charged for offing some drug dealer they want to clear the books on. Spent the rest of the morning editing photos of the roses I got my wife for Valentine's Day. She liked 'em, but I got a lot of flack yesterday for caving into the Hallmark 'made for corporate profits' holiday cliche's. Could've shot some of the haters if I'd found the pistol yesterday. Good intentions apparently don't count for shit anymore. Anyway, with respect to gluing eyes and mouths shut on corpses, I think it would be very cool to have my stuff pop open at my wake. Too bad I wouldn't be able to see the impact, which I'm sure would be priceless. Be even better if I could manage to get an erection. I'd pay an undertaker extra for an effect like that.

  8. Anonymous1:24 PM

    I have a book that interprets dreams. Apparently a dream involving the dismemberment of Ethel Mertz means you are about to embark on a short journey to a Chinese Restaurant.
    X David

  9. I have closed a couple of people's eyes, but I did it right away so I didn't have to do it again.

    Yes, this is a rather morbid topic.

  10. Glue? They used to use a two-ended screw to hold mouths shut. I read way to many weird books.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  11. Oh, what Heidi just said.

    I blame myself, I sent you that superduper roasted Espresso coffee.

    I am so sorry.

  12. Yep. So glad. Now you can tune into my blog tomorrow cause I'm sure I will be rehashing my nightmare about dead people's mouth and eyes popping open! ewwww

  13. oh sweet Lord in heaven. I thought we were having popcorn and watching a Disney movie.

  14. There actually these Velcro-like pads they can slip under the eyelids to keep them down. I say, just stop looking at the dead person and put them in a box already.

  15. how about the anus and urethra... or is that how the worms get in, to do their thing?

  16. Alrighty, guess what I'll be dreaming about tonight...

  17. Suzy,
    I just clicked over from Vodka Mom's place. I just read the comment you left on her last post, and I just had to come over and leave you a quick note. Your comment actually made me cry! My very first car was also a silver Ford Festiva. It was a gift for my 21st birthday from my then-boyfriend/fiance (now ex-husband!). It was the first brand-spankin'-new car I ever owned. I LOVED that car more than anyone could understand. For my 30th birthday, my (already by then) ex-husband and my dad decided it was time to trade it in for something bigger and safer (my son was 4 by then) and without my knowledge or permission, they took it in and came home with another car. I literally sobbed like a baby!!!! And, I'm talking about for weeks. Ok, truth be told, there are still moments I get teary-eyed thinking about the whole thing. I know, I have issues!

    I just had to share that with you, so you'd know you weren't alone. ;-)

  18. Makes you look forward to your own death, doesn't it?



  19. When I came in, and my father was dead, eyes and mouth open, checked with a feather for breath, and a flashlight for pupil response ... neither ... brain cancer's a bitch.