Thursday, January 13, 2011

Top 10 Movies of 2010

2010's Top Ten List from comedian, film critic and friend Ann (Gariana) Abeyta. She has two first names because she's fancy.

I was chatting with a friend and she pointed out how great the picks were on everyone’s top ten lists. I concurred and I think it’s because it’s one of those rare years where you can easily put together a top twenty-five with no problem. Here’s mine and my hope as always is to bring somebody to a film that they may have never seen or taken a chance on. I love that like Oprah loves free bread sticks.

Thanks, Soro. This is my 5th year back and I’m not sure if that’s because you’re enjoying these or patiently waiting for me to get it right. So, in no particularly order:

1. The American – I like this one because I secretly have always wanted to watch George Clooney sleep with hookers. In fact why wasn’t that on the poster? Just those words in a nice font, people may have actually been trampled to death trying to get in.

2. Black Swan – No blacks! No swans! I call shenanigans! I love that director Darren Aronofsky, when asked how he was going to get men interested in seeing a film about ballet dancers, paused dramatically and said, “Lesbo scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.” Hollywood couldn’t cut him a check fast enough. Aronofsky’s next film is Wolverine and I guarantee that it's going to melt your faces off.

3. The Social Network – Asians were all up in arms about how they were portrayed in this film, my favorite quote I read about it was "it was pretty pathetic that the only examples of Asian women in the film -- and there were many Asian women in the film -- were bimbo maniacs who gave blow jobs in bathrooms and set garbage pails on fire." We should all be so lucky! I'm Mexican and you know how my culture is generally portrayed in films? With headbands, guns, face tattoos and bouncy cars all done up to look more menacing while we rob you! Listen up Asian chicks, if Hollywood points the lens at you and goes with thin and sexy just call it a win and pass me the frijoles on your way out the door. This movie was practically Shakespearean in its scope and dissection of human relationships in the connected world and if you haven't seen it yet, go.

4. Winter’s Bone – A kinder gentler Deliverance.
5. Dogtooth – I loved this film! I loved it because if I even try to explain it to you not only will you think I’m crazy, you’ll try to have me arrested.

6. Inception – I have no idea if it was entirely a dream or not, so don’t even ask. I do know that I really like “beefy” Leonardo DiCaprio. He seems so cuddly and approachable now. I just wanna tickle him till he tells me where he has hidden the beer in the fridge.

7. Never Let Me Go – I’ve never seen anybody as mean as Keira Knightley in this film and I live in Hollywood. I imagined her being what Hannibal Lecter would masturbate to.

8. Toy Story 3 – Only film I cried in all year.

9. True Grit – Classic. Film making. The Coen Brothers are so talented that I could smell Jeff Bridges. It might have been the hobo sitting two seats over, but it really added to the panache of the film. If I ever meet the Coen Brothers I'm going to thank them for consistently writing such beautiful, strong and independent roles for women throughout their storied careers.

10. The Fighter – Here’s all you need to know. Mark Wahlberg is shirtless through 80% of the film. Once again! Why wasn’t that the poster for this film! I may have totally missed my calling because it seems really super easy to market films.

Honorable Mentions:
The King's Speech
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Animal Kingdom
Exit Through the Gift Shop
The Secret in Their Eyes
The Ghost Writer

Films I saw in 2010 that were released in 2009 that would have made my list if Hollywood wasn’t a stickler for details:
A Prophet
A Town Called Panic

Follow @GarianaAbeyta on Twitter. Or else.


  1. I want to see all of these movies. RIGHT NOW.

  2. It's definitely been a great year for movies. I'm still on the fence about seeing Black Swan though--the lure of the lesbo scene may not be enough for me.

  3. The problem with that great Mila on Natalie scene is that it is offset by the trauma of the masturbation-mother in rocking chair scene. Though that scene is how I know Black Swan is a horror film and not a comedy.

  4. "Wolverine" is going to be 10,000 times better with that director. As long as he adds in the lesbian scene with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman.

  5. Anonymous1:48 PM

    Juli - Go! Include the honorable mentions! Take the day off you deserve it!

    Jenn - Go! Get off the fence it's wonderful!

    Deb - Ha!

    Moooooog35 - You should just shorten your name to "truth."


  6. jeez! am i really the only former ballerina who stood up in the theatre during the lesbo scene and yelled, "for fuck's sake, we weren't ALL like that! she's not even going to get a better role in the ballet out of it! AS FUCKING IF." ?!?!

    great ballet movie, though.

  7. LOVED true grit, too.

    And I didn't think I was going to like it, my 15 yr old begged to go, and I really enjoyed it.

    Black Swan White Swan? Jut, no thanks...

  8. Well.... guess I won't be invited to Hollywood anytime soon....!

  9. Anonymous3:58 PM

    I'm loving these comments! Hilarious & awesome!


  10. I need to get out more. The only one of these films I saw was Toy Story 3. No wonder I cried.

  11. True grit: I have never been more grateful for my teeth.

    Great post, Ann!

    -Another Ann spelled correctly

  12. The only one of these I've seen is The American, and that's only because it made it to cable for free. (Joblessness is so limiting.) So the only way Clooney fails to get the hooker to give up the life is to die? I like Clooney, but this shit is just demoralizing.

  13. not seen a theater flick in years, so unfair to comment....

  14. Wow, I'm more pathetic than usual this year, in that, I haven't seen any of these movies!
    I look forward to seeing Black Swan, Inception and The Fighter, ooh and Tangled.