Wednesday, January 05, 2011

My Favorite 10 Funniest Tweets Of 2010 That Are Not Mine

It's more like 17 tweets but a Top 17 List doesn't have the same ring to it. These were the tweets that made me laugh last year. As always, your mileage may vary.

@thezeroboss I hate being ordered around. And yet, I became a parent.

@Carabee I think Justin Bieber's hair is on backwards.

@johnfugelsang As of now BP has failed so many times NBC wants to offer them the 11:30pm slot.

@bortflancrest Is it normal for your right testicle to be larger than your other two?

@DanaJGould I got mugged by a toddler. I was walking down an alley when someone grabbed me by the knee and said, "Don't scweam."

@SamGrittner My wedding will be open casket.

@kellyoxford Justin Bieber just compared himself to Kurt Cobain. When Kurt Cobain finds out, he's totally going to kill himself.

@Neilochka If the Jews really ran CNN, it wouldn't be such a boring channel.

@AnnaLefler: I want to seize the day. I really do. If only the day would come over here by the recliner where I could reach it.

@RobSprance: A Hyundai should not cost $399 a month unless it comes with a BMW.

@CleverTitleTK It's starting to depress me how far I have to scroll back to find my birth year in drop down menus.

@lehmannchris It just seems cruel for California to vote Jerry Brown back in as governor without also legalizing pot.

@AdInsanitum Christian bands: If you didn't suck, you'd be known as "bands".

@badbanana If Santa knows who's being bad, maybe he could have given us a heads-up during the early planning stages of the Holocaust.

@zeldman Overheard: "I didn't mind the pat-down, but then he whispered 'Say my name.'"

@MarinkaNYC I don't want to say that my husband takes a long time to cook dinner, but if he were preparing The Last Supper, Jesus would still be alive.

@Joan_Rivers Jane Fonda sent me a copy of her new exercise DVD. It’s a workout for old people—for cardio you dig your own grave.


  1. -->I remember a lot of these but the "Say my name" by the TSA official still makes me laugh.

  2. I love the Santa one.

    Where was I on this list? 18? I was #18 right? RIGHT?!

  3. oh sweet LORD I needed those laughs.

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  5. These are good. This is my favorite from this year:!/netmeg/status/24565048522

  6. Anonymous10:48 AM

    YES. I recently started following @badbanana and goddammit he's funny.

  7. Okay, those were ALL hysterical. Great list, and great laughs on this boring, headache-driven Wednesday.

  8. Loved the one about scrolling down to get your birth year, God that is so depressing and the one about Santa, brilliant.

  9. I love that Justin Bieber makes the list twice. That kid is so unintentionally funny.

    And Anna Lefler? Snort!

    I'm going to start planning my tweets out meticulously to catch your eye.

  10. I like the double Justin Bieber entries too...sure sign that he's made his 15 minutes...and prolly before he grew any hair...anywhere.

  11. These were all wonderful, my fave has to be: mugged by a toddler.

    But, all wonderful (made me laugh out loud in real life, not just with the LOL keys)

    Awesome list.

  12. Open casket! That killed me.

    Um, no pun intended...

  13. "@badbanana If Santa knows who's being bad, maybe he could have given us a heads-up during the early planning stages of the Holocaust."

    i love you, badbanana.

    where's yours, suzy?!

  14. Thank you for the laugh. Awesomeness.

  15. It's almost enough to make me start tweeting. Or I could just come read to your blog and read the really funny ones. How about your best tweets of 2010?

  16. You always make me laugh!

  17. Anonymous6:53 AM

    Those are fantastic!

    Egads I wish I had a funnier brain.

  18. I wonder if other people use yours on their lists.

  19. Damn, this proves I'm officially not funny.

  20. Don't scweam, over by the recliner, Santa/Holocaust, Christian bands. Those are my top four from your top 17. Not that there's any reason you should care...

  21. I'm glad no one else is around or else people would be thinking I'm crazy, sitting here all alone and laughing hysterically... thanks for the day brightener!

  22. Hilarious.

    Some of my favorite twitterererers

  23. so glad i rarely go to twitter... :P

  24. Love the HOlocaust one and the dig your own grave..LOL

  25. Hilarious! Love the TSA, three balls, Santa, Last Supper. All of them! Must go follow all of these people.