Sleeping And I Got A Divorce

2 countries

in 29 hours

on 4 planes

and 60 hours of no sleep.

I couldn't take my relaxing meds because I'd have to put them in their script bottles, which I can't open due to my hands. Not to mention my fear of falling down in the middle of the plane aisle or ON STAGE at Casino Regina. Easily the best venue I've ever played with a sound and light crew of 5; usually comedy clubs have one person to run lights and sound. I had to wear a backstage pass and I haven't had to do that since my old friend Baba Booey took me backstage to see Howard Stern. IN THE EARLY 90's.

Leslie and I tore it up with an hour and a half show and killed. She spent most of her time offstage looking for a Crown and Diet Coke. She had 3 and THIS time didn't end up dancing on the bar or forcing me to do karaoke with her. I managed to get ONE bite of Saskatoon pie! No butter tarts.

Regina is a town of about 200,000 that sits right above North Dakota, which I'm pretty sure is still a state. It rhymes with Vagina and all the natives HATE that people make the same lame joke about it over and over. So they told me about the time Mick Jagger played there and opened with, "I'm not going to make fun of the name of your town. So I guess that makes me a pussy, right?"

I'm always a mess before a show and especially when I have to get up early. I was so exhausted from not sleeping since Tuesday night that I wheel chaired all the way back and thank God I did or else I'd still be wandering the Vancouver airport, which is huge. At one point they transferred me, my purse, my little carry-on and my green and burgundy psychedelic cane to a motorized car since the Regina flight was late getting in.

"Hi, my name is Marie."
"My name is Suzy."

We drove in silence for a few seconds.

"Can you see anything at all?" She asked.
"I'm not blind."

Then I started laughing. I wondered how many other people thought I was blind. I asked her if she was embarrassed about what she asked and she said she was. I told her not to worry since twice in the beginning of my career I asked women in the front row of a show if they were pregnant. AND THEY WERE NOT.

For those of you who have expressed interest in reading my debut memoir, scrivel is hosting Chapter One in sections every Friday for a month. It's up there now so go read it before I start rewriting AGAIN.

End of chat.