Friday, January 18, 2013

32 Things To Do After Your Book Is Published

1. Be happy you're friends with authors
2. Stop following people who aren't authors
3. Prepare a pretentious explanation for unfollowing them
4. They'll understand why when their book is published
5. But probably not
6. List your book on Goodreads
7. Get people to follow you on Goodreads
8. Get author friends to explain Goodreads to you
9. No author friends will be able to because they don't understand it either
10. Get Amazon reviews
11. Get Amazon Likes
12. Ask your friends to write reviews for your book on Amazon
13. Remember they don't think it's important because they haven't been published yet
14. Know that one day these same people will be bothering you for reviews
15. And will be annoyed when you say you'll write one and then don't
16. Drunk tweet them IN YOUR FACE SUCKAS
17. Prepare to lose your friends
18. Send your book links to your mailing list
19. Why don't you have a mailing list?
20. Because your lolcat emails have reduced your list to three people
21. But you hate lolcats, what ARE you sending out?
22. Delete emails begging you to resume sending lolcats instead of book links
23. Bother authors whose asses you've kissed I mean adored to host giveaways of your book
24. See #1 and #2
25. Tweet your book out 4 times a day
26. Realize people have blocked you on twitter
27. Assume these people are jealous
28. Talk about your book on Facebook
29. Prepare to be unfriended
30. Be secretly happy because you're sorry you friended them back
31. Start writing second book
32. Up your meds

My friend Jess Riley is doing a giveaway of my book, Celebrity sTalker. I featured Jess on my blog after she published her first book, Riding Sideways, back in 2008. She just released her second book, All The Lonely People, and it's phenomenal.

Go to her blog, leave a comment and you'll be entered to win an autographed copy of my book.

If you win it, reread this entire list.


  1. Whew! Now I'm glad I don't have a book in me. That sounds way too complicated.

  2. Where does Big Mac eating fall in this list? (Great post).

  3. Yes, yes, and yes. I don't have any friends left who aren't authors.

  4. I am the author of my fate
    So you may continue to follow my non ISBN having ass :)

  5. Ann, Big Mac eating is year round and 24/7 so I didn't feel it needed to make the list.

    Rene, clever girl. (an ebook of your poetry not in your future?)

  6. I've been just doing #16 over and over.

    Explains SO MUCH.

  7. OMG going to bed with you tonight!! Woohoo tears of joy will flow. xoxo Love You see you later :-)

  8. I can never tell you enough: your honest is what I love.

    This, so full of the true.

    We all know it.

    Congrats, Suzy. I am happy for you.

  9. Suzy, your book was terrific and terrifically funny. (No asses were kissed nor Big Macs consumed while writing this comment.)

  10. -->I started reading your book on Monday and it's like I could hear your voice in my head. Now stop smoking so many tampons!

  11. I ordered on - (why don't I get any lolcat links?)

  12. #12 and #13. That's all. OK - maybe #14, but that's it!

  13. you still crack me the hell up.

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