Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My Funny Valentine

If you want to give someone a nice Valentine's Day gift, buy this book. I have an essay in it so I might be a little biased. A lot biased, even. But there are tons of funny essays in it by other humor writers as well. They made me write that before I got my copy.
I've had my jokes published in The Huffington Post, The New York Post, The New York Daily News, The Edmonton Sun, The Calgary Sun, The Toronto Sun, The Los Angeles Times, The Philadelphia Daily News, The International Herald Tribune and Stars and Stripes. They were also featured in the seminal book on women in comedy, Performing Marginality by Joanne Gilbert.

But this is the first time an essay of mine appears in a book with pages that turn, as opposed to a download. I have nothing against downloads so stop typing your comment. And I didn't have to self-publish!! Yet. It's so intellectually satisfying to wave it in front of my family and yell, "I'M ONLY GOING TO CHARGE YOU RETAIL!"

I wish my dad was still alive because he would have bought hundreds of copies.

He followed my comedy career with an enthusiasm he usually reserved for bourbon. He often penned a joke or two and would say "You can use that if you want." It was really endearing as Dad often lamented he didn't pursue a career in humor. But his generation had to work to support families. First his own, then ours. I always feel bad for people who can't pursue what they feel their gift is, what their heart wants. As someone who did, I know how lucky I am. Even though the money isn't always there, I won't be on my deathbed saying "If only I'd..." But I will be on my deathbed saying, "Now, who can put my funeral on their credit card?"

After I'd done Seinfeld, Dad was at a dinner party at his Yacht Club in St. Petersburg. I don't recall my Dad being on any yachts in his lifetime unless the Army used them in World War 2.  He was seated next to a woman who patiently listened as my Dad went on and on and ON about how funny I was as a child.

"How old is your daughter now?" She asked when Dad stopped talking long enough to take a sip of his Manhattan.
"I don't know; she won't tell me."

He was funny. Everything I got, I got from him.

So this book is for you, Dad.



P.S. I'm signing my copy of My Funny Valentine and giving it away. Leave a comment (or many for a better chance) and I'll pick a winner by Sunday and speed it your way in time for Valentine's Day. Did I mention I'm in it? No? Well, I'm in it.


26 comments:

  1. I *love* your dad.

    "I don't know...she won't tell me."

    Dying.

    I hope I win!

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  2. I need a funny Valentine book! I am my own Valentine this year. Tiny violin, party of one!

    Suzy Q
    sumarel@gmail.com

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  3. You're dad sounds so funny and great!

    You don't need to put me in the running for the book because I already have a copy! I'll just make you sign it when I meet you someday!

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  4. -->I think you're Funny AND Pretty. Plus, at this point in your life, I think you'd put out on the first date.

    Or maybe that's always been the case?

    deb

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  5. I was all set to leave a smar-tass comment when I saw this on fb then I clicked through to your very sweet post. Sounds like your dad was awesome. You're very lucky! Thanks for the chance to win and congrats on the book!

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  6. Another reason I need that job. So I can buy this book RETAIL!

    I'm going to share this post with all my 1st tier boyfriends so they can get me copies of it which I can then regift to all next year's 2nd tier boyfriends.

    Or, if all else fails, maybe my husband will get it for me instead of another set of poker chips.

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  7. Congrats again. I want the book.

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  8. That's an awesome joke. Just awesome...and here I thought only Jewish dads were funny.

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  9. I already bought the book--and, of course, I read your essay first. And laughed.

    Now we can see where you got your sense of humor from . . .

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  10. Your dad sounds pretty funny

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  11. And I think I will leave a few comments

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  12. Even though I'll probably buy a few copies to give away.

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  13. Because I'll probably loose this competition.

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  14. Oh I heart your Dad!! Funny and sweet:)
    Congrats on being published in this book AND the Toronto Sun:)

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  15. Pick me. I would love to read the book and I laugh at your blog everyday!

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  16. I have been to the St. Petersburg Yacht Club. Wish I had been seated next to your dad instead of the listless schmuck I got.

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  17. Your dad sounds awesome, and the book looks great!

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  18. Oh, man, this post: one of my 3 fave of yours.

    This, so sweet, so wonderful, and funny.

    I love "you can use that if you want."

    I'm really excited and happy to see you here. I ordered a copy, but I"D LOVE to try for a signed copy from you.

    Because you know how I feel about you, I can't think about you without my a few prickly tears coming to the surface.

    You are just that special.

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  19. My dad was always throwing a smart ass remark here and there. It made my upper crust mom cringe, but I laughed my head off. I ended up marrying someone like my dad. We are happy and laugh alot. I would love to win the book so I could give it to my hubbie. I'm cheap like that.

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  20. Just go ahead and wrap it up... it's mine :-)

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  21. Your dad sounds wonderful - just like mine. I have a small collection of autographed books, and I would LOVE to add that book to my collection.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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  22. Nobody likes me so I don't have a Valentine and that's why you should give the book to me. You might prevent a tragedy.

    Love,
    janie junebug

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  23. So excited for you. But don't pick me. I'm gonna buy the e-book.

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  24. I'LL GO FOR THE SYMPATHY VOTE. HOME RECOVERING FROM CARPAL TUNNEL SURGERY. NOT TO BE CONFUSED W THE TUNNEL OF LOVE.
    I'M BROKE BECAUSE MY INS DEDUCTIBLE SNATCHED $700 BUCKS OUT OF THE COFFERS.
    TYPING W 1 HAND BECAUSE I STILL HAVE STITCHES IN THE OTHER. SNIFF SNIFF, TINGE OF SELF PITY...

    (HOW'S THAT FOR SOLICITING THE SYMPATHY VOTE? DID I MENTION I HAD THE OTHER WRIST SURGERY DONE IN DECEMBER? AND TOTAL KNEE REPLACEMENT IN SEPT 2011? THOSE IN MY INNER CIRCLE ARE STARTING TO CALL ME THE BIONIC WOMAN)

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  25. OK SO IF MY PERSONAL SOB STORY DID NOT YIELD A WIN, HOW ABOUT A GOOD SNARKY LAUGH @ CORPORATIONS?

    http://ramblings-fran.blogspot.com/2012/01/citizens-united-theme-song.html

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  26. I will not burn your book.
    X David

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